Why LGBTQ Victims Are at Greater Risk of Domestic Abuse

Mollie, a trans woman, recently ended a five-year relationship with her partner. When she first came to me, she described her relationship as “complicated and stressful.” Over time, however, she began to share stories that revealed a pattern of emotional control, gaslighting, and identity-based abuse.

Her partner frequently invalidated Mollie’s gender identity, referring to her by her deadname during arguments and telling her, “No one will ever love you for who you really are.” He discouraged her from seeing friends and made her feel guilty for attending LGBTQ community events, accusing her of “wanting attention.” When Mollie expressed a desire to start hormone therapy, her partner, who controlled the finances, refused to pay for a "luxury."

Mollie isolated herself socially and professionally, fearing rejection and believing she was unworthy of love.

It wasn’t until I gently introduced the concept of coercive control that Mollie began to recognize her experiences as being abuse. But even then, she hesitated to label it as such during her early sessions with me. “He never hit me,” she always said. “Maybe I’m just being sensitive.”

Many LGBTQ Victims Struggle to Recognize Their Experiences as Abuse

Mollie’s story is not uncommon, especially among queer and trans survivors of domestic violence. Without visible injuries or clear legal protections, many of my clients struggle silently before attempting to seek help.

As a social worker who specializes in working with domestic violence, the lasting trauma from emotional and psychological abuse that I see has caused me much more concern than most instances of physical violence. All abuse concerns me, of course, but non-physical abuse often worries me more because it can go so easily undetected for so long that not even the victims may be aware of it.

Source: Multimedios Del Sureste from Pixabay

I often have clients say to me, “I didn’t even know that what I experienced was abusive,” when we discuss their previous relationships. Unfortunately, even had they known, few legitimate protections exist to stop non-physical abuse, and no defined legal structures have been put in place to protect victims from it. Most jurisdictions don’t recognize coercive control unless paired with physical harm—and though this is often the case for victims of all genders and sexualities, many people who see non-physical violence, including the victims, can feel powerless to stop it.

This powerlessness can be even greater for victims from the LGBTQ community, as few resources exist for them, especially with the rapidly changing political landscape. Without adequate support, so many of my clients from this community are left to manage the abuse and resulting trauma completely on their own.

Dwindling Support in the Current Political Landscape

For a while, LGBTQ acceptance was becoming more widespread, and I noticed victims from this community had begun to feel more comfortable reaching out for help to escape abuse. Changing laws aimed to protect partners from intimate violence without regard to gender or sexuality, expanding protections. However, that seems to have drastically shifted recently.

Members of the LGBTQ community face a situation many marginalized groups face today called minority stress. This added burden comes from various stressors linked to being part of an underrepresented or stigmatized minority. Insufficient laws and unequal allocation of resources leave them less protected in society simply because of who they are. It attacks their very identity.

An abuser in an LGBTQ relationship instills this same self-doubt at the core of their victim. Multiplied by their already existing minority stress, the results can be grave. Too often, this pre-existing minority stress is enough to keep LGBTQ people from ever speaking out about their situation of domestic violence at all.

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If you are struggling in an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800)- 799-SAFE (7233) or the Human Rights Campaign. To find mental health support, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

Adapted, in part, from my book Invisible Bruises: How A Better Understanding of the Patterns of Domestic Abuse Can Help Survivors Navigate the Legal System.