3 Types of Pet Parents

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At a speaking event last year, I was introduced with the usual list of credentials and publications. But at the very end, the host added a lighthearted note: “And she’s also a cat mom!” Instantly, the audience’s neutral expressions shifted: People lit up, many laughed, and some even applauded or cheered. That small personal detail sparked a connection with them; even those who could not relate appreciated the chuckle that this gave them.

This stuck with me; not because of the laughter I got (which is always a plus) but it reminded me of the common desire we have to connect and to belong. Sharing something human — like being a pet parent — often makes people more engaged and interested. They see you as one of them, no matter how boring the lecture you are about to give.

I notice that more participants were engaged, and more than usual came up to me to talk afterward. Now, this could just be a coincidence, of course. Still, I’ve come to believe there’s an unspoken bond between pet parents that makes us more open and trustworthy with each other. And research confirms this, as it shows that the presence of a pet can help promote open conversations about emotions and feelings.^1,2

But it’s not just the act of having a pet that builds trust and understanding; it’s something deeper. Pet parents recognize one another in ways that go beyond small talk; it reflects how we connect and express love.

Over time, I’ve noticed that pet parents tend to fall into a few familiar patterns. Here are three types of pet parents I have noticed among my colleagues and friends:

1. The Casual Guardian: You love your pet, but they do their thing, and you do yours. Your pet might have free rein of the neighborhood or house, they know to show up for meals, and of course they are loved. But there is a strong sense of independence—on both sides. These pet parents aren’t overbearing; they respect their pet’s space, and they are not overly dependent on the pet-human relationship. This low-maintenance relationship may reflect healthy emotional distance^3-5.

Michael isn’t even sure where his cat sleeps half the time, but he always leaves a can of food out because "he's around here somewhere." He still cares for him but goes about his normal daily routine without worrying about the cat's needs as long as he is taken care of.

2. The Devoted Companion: Your pet is definitely family—and your camera roll proves it. This type of pet parent may be the most common. For these pet parents, their animal is more than just a furry roommate: They might be in family photos, they might take a part in holiday traditions, and their needs and presence are a part of the family's everyday routines. Their pets have their own beds (or share theirs), maybe they have birthday celebrations, and maybe a wardrobe, but only for the colder months. There's deep emotional investment here, and their love language includes treats, toys, and constant belly rubs. But there is still an understanding that the pets are pets. These pet parents likely derive mental health benefits from caring for their furry companions, as having animals in our lives, and taking joy from caring for them, can actually promote better health^2,3.

Erin's golden retriever gets a stocking at Christmas filled with dog bones and rawhide. But the family is able to travel for holiday vacation without the guilt of leaving their dog at home with a pet-sitter.

3. The Full-On Pet Parent: You don't own a pet; you’re raising a fur child. "Do I have children? Yes—three: Rex, Bella, and Fluffy."

Whether it’s driving an hour for those specific organic treats you saw on TikTok, or doing themed photoshoots for their birthday, your pets are your children. Vet appointments are booked with the same urgency as pediatric checkups, and the rest of the day is scheduled around that appointment to allow for the stress that they may bring your baby. Maybe your Instagram bio proudly lists your pet names or "#cat mom" (guilty!)

For many, this level of devotion is simply a joyful part of their life. In fact, many people report similarities between raising fur children and human children, although of course there are major differences⁴.

Cory struggles to enjoy his vacation due to guilt over leaving his cat, Matilda, home. Even though he has a neighbor checking on her, he can’t shake the feeling that he’s abandoning her. “I’m her dad. I should be home,” he says. The deep bond he shares with her has helped him rebuild a sense of emotional security after years of trauma in childhood. But that same attachment makes separation difficult. His strong connection with her, while healing, also reflects an underlying fear of disconnection ad abandonment.

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Not all deeply bonded pet parents feel this level of distress, of course. But for others, particularly trauma survivors, the emotional bond with a pet can serve a deeper purpose. For them, this relationship becomes a way to explore and experience safe, unconditional love in a world where trust has been hard to come by for them⁶. For some of my clients who are trauma survivors, high emotional investment in their pets reflects a safe way they can express connection, empathy, and care—things that may have been otherwise missing in their life.