5 Mental Health Goals for Trauma Survivors in the New Year

The end of the holiday season is followed by a temperature drop, an inevitable parade of weight loss commercials, and societal pressure to set self-improvement goals. Marking the end of our second year in a pandemic, the 2022 annual ball "dropping" brings with it feelings of relief, grief, and eagerness.

Ongoing studies show upward trends of depression and anxiety and decreased motivation and focus, indicating that the pandemic's effects are being widely felt throughout our communities.

Setting goals has long been an end-of-the-year tradition. But for trauma survivors, who may struggle with lack of motivation and decreased self-esteem, this tradition can bring about feelings of stress and apprehension. While many express a desire to decrease reductive feelings and symptoms that plagued the passing year, it is necessary to do this with a trauma-informed approach, including being mindful of challenges and setting realistic expectations.

The following five tips will help you bring positive changes to your mental health into the coming year:

1. Work towards decreasing "all or nothing" thinking.

Many enter January with unattainable goals and unrealistic expectations of how to achieve them. They worry that any mistake or deviation from these plans will stain the blank canvas of the new year.

As with any goal, it’s imperative to start small. Suppose you promise yourself that you will not feel depressed or anxious in the coming year. In that case, you will inevitably feel frustrated with yourself for “failing” the first time these familiar feelings return.

All or nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion that makes you think everything is perfect or a complete disaster. You either do everything correct, or you have failed at your goal. This is not only unrealistic, but it’s unfair to you. Make your first goal one of understanding: that not all progress is linear and that showing compassion for yourself is essential to moving forward.

2. Make an effort to learn and grow positively.

Mental health is not always quantifiable–we do not progress from steps one through five and then declare ourselves cured. There will undoubtedly be setbacks as you navigate this new year. Make a goal to have one positive change you’re working towards or several small changes that represent a bigger picture of growth.

Maybe it is to decrease the time you usually spend worrying. Maybe it is to read three books pertaining to your growth. Do not promise yourself that you will never again break down and cry, spend the day in bed, or snap at a loved one. Instead, focus on creating awareness, be more aware of the negative feelings and decrease the amount of time sitting in them.

Remember that any time spent moving forward is progress, even if you take breaks or have to reset.

3. Make it a priority to validate your truth.

Survivors of abuse and family trauma have usually spent a long time being invalidated, and their stories denied, many times from those who perpetuated the abuse. Own your truth and your story, and know that not everyone has to see it to make it valid. Use your truth to move forward.

4. Prioritize what makes you feel happy while setting boundaries.

Every year I hear people tell me how much they dislike their job, weekly spin group, being the primary housecleaner, or another obligation. Take inventory of your life and what brings you joy. Consider re-evaluating or even changing if you find that more than 25 percent of your activities do not bring you joy.

It might be that you are unable to give up the monthly school banquet at your son's school, but perhaps you can take less of the responsibility of driving the kids to and from practice every day by asking to share with another school parent. Discuss the benefits of ordering from a food delivery service to save time and energy, or ask to share the cooking or household responsibilities with your partner or roommate.

Trauma survivors carry with them a lot of guilt, which can be a barrier to saying "no" and setting boundaries about what they do not want to do. They were usually taught that it is somehow wrong or shameful to partake in "selfish" activities so that self-care can feel uncomfortable at first. Practice small things, such as saying no to fixing your friend's car for free, and use that time doing something you enjoy.

5. Understand that you are a growing and changing being who comes with traumas, accomplishments, and areas for growth.

I often give my clients “homework” to put their traumas in a box on a shelf. This can be done literally or figuratively. Many who have survived trauma feel that it will always be a part of who they are–much like a broken leg that never heals the same. It does not do any good to tell people to forget, move past, or leave their trauma in 2021, for this is unrealistic.

Instead, understand that it is something you take with you into the new year, but perhaps it isn’t on the countertop to greet you every morning. Decorate the box however you feel compelled to paint a coat of armor or another form of protection. Some make it into their favorite superhero. Some use colors or themes that symbolize strength and growth. Add objects or write words that symbolize things that have helped you along your journey to recovery. Then put it on the shelf in a closet or somewhere hidden.

The symbolism of having it available but not visible will help with the moving forward process and remind you that you are a whole person with many aspects and qualities.

Above all else, show yourself compassion, love, and support. You can restart or change any goal at any time. While it is difficult to quantify mental health progress, the goal is to feel better about yourself and your environment. We do not know what 2022 will bring, but we can build a strong foundation for whatever may come.