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When you’re an author, you write with an audience in mind. I’ve written for couples, singles, gays, straights, therapists, physicians, nurses, students, teachers, and parents. But not once, in any conscious and deliberate fashion, have I written for my mother.
Sure I send her cards (not nearly as often as I should). But that’s not what I mean by writing for my mother. I use my talent so strangers might live happier; why don’t I do that for those closest to me whom I cherish?
This holiday Mom is forefront in my mind. She hasn’t been feeling well lately. She says she now feels like she is getting old. At 89 years old, she's facing the possibility of undergoing surgery. I’ve written about the strength it takes to love while facing life’s realities; it becomes a little more real when I think about my Mom.
I once wrote about Mom (with her permission). My book Passionate Marriage includes a vignette of the two of us capsized while sailing over a dangerous coral reef. To my surprise and pleasure, many people tell me how much they appreciate that specific story: My Mom took care of me by calming herself in that potentially serious situation, and deliberately telling me she was doing this so I could relax about her welfare. That story’s particularly important to me because Mom has come along way not being frightened, worried, or anxious.
Writing about my Mom, however, isn’t the same as writing for her. She’s so touched by my smallest kindnesses, you know she’d never ask. Mom isn’t the kind of person who expects others to do things for her; more often, she does for them. I can’t remember a single time she ever sought (or was comfortable with) being center stage.
Now is probably an important time for me to write for Mom. I’m hoping it might help her. I write a lot about talking to the best in people, but it’s something else again to do that with your mother. In this case, it’s not because it’s so difficult, but rather, because it means so much. My parents are two of the finest people I have ever known.
So here’s to you, Mom. In public. In front of everyone.
I love you. I’m lucky and grateful to have a mother I respect. You’ve worked hard all your life and accomplished more than perhaps you’ll ever know. When I was young you said you wished one day I’d know the joys of having kids. I know what you meant when my daughter speaks to you on the phone. But the other thing I know now, that you never had the chance to learn, is the joy of watching your own parents’ dignity grow as you finally grow up too.
So, don’t forget Mom, we’ll go through this with you. Your grand daughter wants to see you soon. You and Dad taught me not to give up when things are “on the reef.” I was there. I will always remember. I hope you do too.
Happy Mother's Day.
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