When I read The Wisdom of Insecurity by the philosopher Alan Watts in college, it turned my world around. He hammered home a point that is simple, yet startling: life only exists in the present moment. Rather than blindly pursue a happiness that eludes us, we need to open to what is alive right now.
As Watts puts it,
“If happiness always depends on something expected in the future, we are chasing a will-o’-the-wisp that ever eludes our grasp, until the future, and ourselves, vanish into the abyss of death.”
Very simple, very profound, but might we cling too much to the present--or to a concept of being present?
Buddhist psychology suggests create suffering by clinging to how we’d like things to be in the future rather than being mindful of what is. Oftentimes what is is something unpleasant or uncomfortable — sorrow, fear, or grief. We may experience the insecurity of not knowing if we’re loved or uncertainty about our future security. Being here now must somehow include the shadow side of being human.
Much of our lives are driven by a quest to nail down an elusive security. Watts suggests that we need to embrace unavoidable insecurity in order to feel secure:
"The desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest in which everyone is as taut as a drum."
Watts makes a compelling point, reinforced by the wisdom of German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm: “The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”
The growing popularity of mindfulness practices attests to a recognition of our need to live in the present moment. There’s a pervasive longing to experience more aliveness, presence, and connection.
But are there hidden dangers of living too much in the present?
It is easy to misunderstand what it really means to be in the now. I’ve noticed a tendency to make so much effort to be in the present that we may lose connection with the present moment. It can become a preoccupying head trip rather than actually living in the moment.
Another potential pitfall is that we may mistakenly believe that living in the moment means refraining from planning for the future. We might also mistakenly believe that experiencing emotions such as fear or hurt take us away from the present. We may think we’re not being spiritual if we’re experiencing human feelings.
An essential part of being present is to consider our future needs and plan wisely, as well as make room for the full range of human emotions. Our feelings often signal messages that our body is trying to give us. Fear may be telling us to avoid a certain situation or to spend less and save more. Attending to feelings that arise in the present moment can be a reliable guide for our lives.
As expressed in my book, Dancing with Fire:
"Popular spiritual books encourage us to be in the moment, but they often overlook an important aspect of ‘being here now’ — making room for the feelings and longings that are happening right now."
If we understand “being in the now” as making room for a full range of our human experience, then we might be more relaxed around our experience. Sometimes what we experience is not very safe or secure, as Watts and Fromm suggest. Saying it another way, being human means vulnerable. One of the highest arts of life is to find a way to gently be with our vulnerability in a way that does not overwhelm us, but rather connects us with what is alive in the present moment. It can actually feel good to welcome what is rather than resist it.
Becoming more comfortable with our vulnerability can actually help us feel more secure. Rather than fighting life, we go with it. We find more inner peace as we embrace our experience just as it is.
© John Amodeo
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John Amodeo, Ph.D., MFT, is author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships, which won the 2014 Silver Independent Publisher Book Award in the relationship category. His other books include The Authentic Heart and Love & Betrayal. He has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for thirty-five years in the San Francisco Bay area and has conducted workshops internationally on relationships and couples therapy.
