Why So Many Married People Still Feel Lonely

Research has shown that being in an intimate relationship can deter feelings of loneliness by satisfying a need to belong (Mund et al., 2022). This sense of belonging can act as a buffer against loneliness and permits closeness-initiating behaviors. However, you can have an intimate partner and still feel lonely. About 1 in 6 older married men and women report moderate or intense feelings of loneliness (de Jong Gierveld & Broese van Groenou, 2016).

Distinguishing isolation from loneliness

First, one does not need to be socially isolated to experience loneliness. As depicted in songs and poems over the centuries, people can feel lonely in crowds or even in intimate relationships. Thus, a conceptual distinction between loneliness and social isolation (Setiya, 2023) is important. Second, loneliness is a subjective feeling of emotional isolation, not necessarily objective isolation. The experience of loneliness, therefore, does not stem solely from the number of social relationships or relationship status, but from relationship quality (Mund et al., 2022). For example, if we do not feel heard or understood, we can feel disconnected emotionally from our partner.

Loneliness and health

Loneliness is associated with poorer mental health, including symptoms of anxiety and depression, and even suicidal ideation. Physical health can also be affected (for example, see Xia and colleagues’ 2018 study on loneliness and cardiovascular health). Loneliness is also negatively linked to both relational and sexual outcomes for couples. That's right, you can be in an intimate relationship and still feel acutely lonely. Therefore, it behooves both researchers and helping professionals to sustain this complexity in studies of this phenomenon and their delivery of services in their clinical practices.

What recent studies say

Morris and colleagues (2023) found that when loneliness is experienced in intimate relationships, it may impede an individual’s ability to think positively about their partner. Further, Leavitt and colleagues (2025) found that for both men and women, loneliness was negatively associated with their own relational well-being as well as their partner’s relational well-being. In addition, while women’s self-reported loneliness was not associated with spouses’ sexual well-being, men’s self-reported loneliness was negatively associated with their spouses’ sexual well-being.

Concluding thoughts

Research continues to challenge our notions of what exactly constitutes loneliness, who experiences it, and why. Studies confirm that married persons do experience loneliness, and loneliness can impact the relational well-being as well as satisfaction with sexual relations. What can help? Feeling and expressing gratitude about a partner's positive attributes (Chang and colleagues, 2022) and seeing your partner as a confidant can ameliorate the impact of loneliness. If you feel lonely in your intimate relationship and are concerned that being lonely may be affecting you or your partner's sexual well-being, skilled interventions by a trained couples therapist may prove helpful.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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