There are ways to temper your toughest critic and take constructive control of your feelings.
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A Language Everyone Should Understand
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D.
The synthesis of who and what we have emotionally experienced has, for the most part, uniquely shaped who we are now.
Regret leads us to dwell on the past, but it is triggered by something in the present.
When we are undeniably rejected, it might help to remember the hope we felt prior to experiencing the shame of rebuff.
The behavior of people with a motivational style that differs from your own can be annoying and trigger anger.
If you are "in denial," perhaps you are simply trying to ignore the truth about what you actually feel, rather than about what you are doing or thinking.
Are decisions made with passion intrinsically flawed, or do we also fool ourselves when we make decisions that are solely based on reason?
When a relationship ends, what motivates us to go backward rather than forward?
Sometimes it's okay to put a lid on the past.
Whether an employee completes a task early on or at the deadline is less important than evaluating outcome.
We cannot erase emotional memories, although we can be aware of what activates them and the interpretations we make.
The blending of fear with other emotions produces the variety of ways in which anxiety is felt.
When deadlines are not absolute or clearly defined, procrastinators do successfully meet them.
Rather than shame procrastinators for the way they get things done, let's understand motivational style differences.
The shame of defeat can challenge our potential to look with interest at what has happened and to learn from it.
Shame avoidance is a way in which evolution has provided humans with a useful tool to reach desired goals.
Procrastination should not be linked with failure, just as early action should not be tied to success.
The desire to know the sex of our unborn children is motivated by emotion.
Simply put, life might be easier as a narcissist.
In using time-outs parents unintentionally convey that they are unable to contain or tolerate their own feelings.
We may be inclined to hold an illusion as truth, especially when seeking pleasure or in matters of the heart.
Often, our targets of blame are determined primarily by our states of mind rather than any objective reality.
The wish for a compliment may result in discomfort when you receive one.
A positive relationship between parent and child can happen around seeking relief from homework emotions that are negative.
Are women more woebegone than men when a romantic involvement ends?
Stimulating and exciting features of a relationship can motivate you to ignore the warning signs that it won't meet your needs.
Distinguishing whether you are depressed because you have experienced a prolonged state of sadness, or because you have experienced a prolonged state of shame, is critically important.
All love is based on the experience of positive emotion, and the part of love that makes your heart thump owes its power to the emotion of excitement that began in early childhood.
If you assume that bullies are aware of feeling bad about themselves, you may be ineffective in dealing with them.
Seeking comfort from eating, drinking, compulsive habits, contacting an ex, or from social media sites may hamper rather than help your self-esteem.
Blushing may result from being embarrassed, humiliated, or mortified, but it can also help you save face.
Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Marin County, California.
Intense emotions and strong feelings are a part of everyone's life. Why does something so common feel so overwhelming?