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A Language Everyone Should Understand
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D.
Beliefs have an evolutionary purpose in that we use them in whatever calculations we make about future events.
We generally assume fear is the basic emotional experience of bullying and abuse victims. However, their fear is often preceded by surprise or startle.
When we are afraid, what we think is different for each of us depending on our prior experiences of fear.
What does it take to be emotionally affluent? A few essential skills can go a long way.
The effects of longstanding accumulation of frustrating tensions can result in strain trauma.
Experiencing the toxicity of jealousy provides a rare opportunity to learn.
Shame is prominent in states of anxiety and often hides in the shadow of the emotional experience.
Perhaps more than any other emotion, shame motivates learning and a desire to change.
What are some of the ways we can emotionally connect with others while remaining socially distant?
Both children and adults can benefit from learning what motivates them.
A lack of empathy is often considered to be one of the distinctive features of narcissism. However, this is not entirely the case.
The perceived benefits of excuses may be far less than accepting the shame of our transgressions.
Resilience is not only a way we think, but it is motivation based on the ways we feel.
Secrets may become ambivalently held, where the wish to hide coexists with an urgency to seek relief and connect with others by revealing information.
When something bad happens, we tend to focus on our negative feeling state as the problem, rather than what lies beneath.
Why is shame a prominent component in depressive syndromes?
Procrastinatiors hold information in working memory, reflect upon it, and are driven to get things done by emotions activated within limited available time.
The synthesis of who and what we have emotionally experienced has, for the most part, uniquely shaped who we are now.
Regret leads us to dwell on the past, but it is triggered by something in the present.
When we are undeniably rejected, it might help to remember the hope we felt prior to experiencing the shame of rebuff.
The behavior of people with a motivational style that differs from your own can be annoying and trigger anger.
If you are "in denial," perhaps you are simply trying to ignore the truth about what you actually feel, rather than about what you are doing or thinking.
Are decisions made with passion intrinsically flawed, or do we also fool ourselves when we make decisions that are solely based on reason?
When a relationship ends, what motivates us to go backward rather than forward?
Sometimes it's okay to put a lid on the past.
Whether an employee completes a task early on or at the deadline is less important than evaluating outcome.
We cannot erase emotional memories, although we can be aware of what activates them and the interpretations we make.
The blending of fear with other emotions produces the variety of ways in which anxiety is felt.
When deadlines are not absolute or clearly defined, procrastinators do successfully meet them.
Rather than shame procrastinators for the way they get things done, let's understand motivational style differences.
Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Marin County, California.
Intense emotions and strong feelings are a part of everyone's life. Why does something so common feel so overwhelming?