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The wildly popular American television series "This Is Us" consistently elicits powerful emotional reactions from its audience. The show does so by means of deep character development which allows viewers to get to know the many sides of the characters, and by extension, holds up a mirror to the inconsistencies and life pitfalls and tragedies that viewers experience in their own lives.
In the show's most recent episode, viewers finally learned a little more information about how Jack, the show's seminal character, died years ago. In the episode, we learn that Jack died in a fire, and we are given glimpses that Jack appears to have died trying to save members of his family. (In the next episode which will be played on "Super Bowl Sunday," viewers should learn even more about the traumatic fire.)
Pop culture is valuable to consider and analyze because what is popular in the larger culture reflects a lot psychologically about its myriad constituents. What does the profound audience reaction about details of Jack's death show us about ourselves? In short, it reflects basic human needs for attachment and predictability, and it also reflects our fantasy-prone need for what people call "closure."
The battle between attachment and unpredictability
Jack's traumatic death in the show elicits a powerful reaction because watching the horrific scenes reminds viewers about one of life's most fundamental truths: human life is delicate and a life can be cut short in an instant. Television moments like this make us look at our loved ones in our own lives, and secretly wonder, Could what I have go away too? Could I, too, lose the relationships I have come to depend on?
Our culture's mercurial and misguided need for closure
When it comes to Jack's death, people feel two intense but contradictory emotions: they want to know what happened, and they don't want to know what happened. This conflict reflects a larger issue people have with making sense of things that are unknown. Often, people tell themselves that uncovering details of something horrific or painful will help reduce their anxiety and provide a sense of peace. Yet many clients I have worked with who have ultimately unearthed the very details they worked so hard to procure find that "finding out" ultimately provides less relief than they had expected.
Is there such a thing as true closure?
For many men and women who seek closure following a traumatic experience, they often find it elusive. Grief, confusion, and anger get re-imagined and re-experienced when individuals who seek closure finally learn the information they sought, and this powerful emotional reaction kicks up negative feelings instead of quieting them. It may be that uncovering details about a trauma can, many months or years in the future, help a person reach a point of acceptance, but anyone seeking closure related to a traumatic event must understand that the very concept of reaching an emotional state of closure is one that is probably faulty. In my work with clients, I encourage them to expect that they may always mentally carry elements of the trauma with them, adding that time and insight will lessen the intensity when the painful feelings come up.
A rule I use with clients about closure
With my clients who have suffered a trauma, I often tell them this: "The only way to get closure is to stop trying to get it." This framework encourages men and women dealing with traumas to stop focusing on an achievement- or notch-based model of recovery and to focus on sitting with and feeling their feelings instead.
How a TV audience can use a television show to increase their insight and improve their own interpersonal communications
Shows like "This Is Us" can act as valuable teachers to the larger society. For viewers who connect with the story of Jack's death, ask yourself the following question: What can I do in the next week to show the people in my own life that they are noticed, admired and loved?
