Surprising Insights About Men’s Sexual Satisfaction

Men can experience frustration and disconnection when bedroom play is boring.

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This post is part one of a series.

We know that men don’t care about the appetizers or dessert when it comes to sex; they just want the main course. That’s what women have been taught about what men desire in the bedroom for centuries.

Bubble burst!: That’s just not true.

When it comes to sexual desire, men want some of the same things that women want; they just don’t talk about them as much. Research has unearthed some pretty surprising things about what we thought we knew about men’s intimacy needs from a psychological perspective and physical perspective.

Communication and Connection

One of the most important things that men desire in bed is effective communication, despite the common stereotype that men are primarily driven by physical needs. Men who feel emotionally connected with their partners report higher levels of sexual satisfaction, according to Mark and Lasslo (2018). In other words, having an emotional connection in which both partners share their desires, needs, and preferences creates a better sexual experience for men.

Beware, though: If you are going to have open communication, then you need to use that information to your advantage. If he says he likes something specific—if he’s been vulnerable enough to share—and if you are comfortable with it, do it. Don’t forget about it because he may start to resent that he was ever vulnerable about his sexual preference.

Bottom line: Open communication fosters a safe and trusting environment where both partners can explore their sexual needs without fear of judgment.

Variety and Exploration

“Variety is the spice of life,” right? That’s what many men say when it comes to the bedroom. According to research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, sexual monotony can lead to decreased sexual satisfaction over time (Smith & Lyons, 2016).

Exploring a variety of positions, techniques, fantasies, and locations offers a sense of adventure and keeps a couple's intimate life exciting. Exploring new things together, such as role-playing or introducing sex toys, can also be a way to break the routine and add a layer of excitement. And, it’s even better when that partner is someone with whom they have an emotional connection.

Bottom line: Men like newness in the bedroom so being excited about trying something new adds a layer that shouldn’t be ignored. Make sure that the exploration is consensual and have fun.

Physical Pleasure

While emotional connections are important, physical pleasure remains an integral part of men’s sexual satisfaction. Many men may view the physical act of intimacy as a high priority, so it’s important that partners still engage in activities like touching and teasing. Also, facial expressions, eye contact, and verbal cues add to their sexual experience greatly, according to research by the Kinsey Institute. Eye contact, in particular, creates a sense of intimacy and connection, making the encounter feel more personal and emotionally charged. It can convey trust, vulnerability, and a shared experience, which can intensify the emotional and physical connection between partners. Many men identify physical touch as their love language, so it’s important that you connect with them physically.

Bottom line: When partners express pleasure during sex, men are more sexually satisfied. Don’t be a passive participant.

What men want in bed encompasses a range of desires, from physical pleasure to emotional connection. Communication, variety, and physical satisfaction are just three factors that play a significant role in creating a fulfilling sexual experience. By understanding and addressing these aspects, partners can work together to build a satisfying and mutually enjoyable sexual relationship.