If You Skip the Party, What Will You Miss?
Introverts can really make a party a success!
Posted Dec 31, 2017
My last cartoon was an alert: Does this mean he might not be any good in bed?
But let's start at the beginning: meeting cool people. Did you turn down the last party you were invited to?
Parties can be adventures, or minefields. Before you even get there, you have to decide what to wear, whether you have time to lose 5 pounds, how to wear your hair, and, most importantly, if you're single, making sure you are going with an open mind, ready to meet possible partners.
For the first few minutes, when you walk in a room full of strangers, all anyone can see is your appearance. How many guests will make a quick judgement about you?
Assuming you know the host or hostess, you may be introduced to others, and can impress them with your charm or quick wit...if you aren't too nervous, that is, and allow that to show.
So you want to prepare both physically (good grooming) and mentally for an event. Lifehacker has a good article on how to survive a party if you're an introvert. (And many of us feel like introverts when we venture into a room of strangers.)
It discusses which events are worth the investment of your time and courage, and then gives a good way to approach them.
It may sound about as enjoyable as filling out a stack of paperwork to get a sandwich, but having a specific goal for your trip out can help make it easier to socialize...Having a goal helps you define what you want to accomplish in an outing, but more importantly, it keeps your brain focused.
It also points out that small talk is fine, really it is.
People want to know you As an introvert I find that my default is to think that people don't really care and don't want to know me. THIS IS A FALLACY. Your brain will tell you that from time to time. It's mostly not true, unless the people you're with are total D-bags anyway.
A commenter there made an amusing postscript:
I just want to say ghosting (that is, leaving a party without saying goodbye to people) is totally okay.
Another point to consider, in the face of this cartoon, is perfectionism. Oh, it crops up a lot! Adrian Furnham wrote The Curse of Perfectionism.
Psychologists see perfectionism almost always as a handicap. They see perfectionists as vulnerable to distress, often haunted by a chronic sense of failure; indecisiveness and its close companion, procrastination; and shame.
And I recognize this one:
Perfectionists often believe that powerful others—bosses, parents, spouses—expect one to be perfect, in all ways. They are harsh, punitive, unforgiving judges.
Remember the meaning of "good enough." Then put on your party hat, or pretend you're in a Cary Grant movie, and step forward into your life.
Here's another cartoon about how to tell if a guy is an "alpha" man.
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