Why Do People Scream (Rather Than Talk) During Sex?

"I'm not performing or thinking about the noises I make; it just happens.” –A woman

We use our voices to communicate our wishes, which is also true in the world of romantic love and sexuality. The greatest lovers have extensively used their voices for seductive purposes. Why do people replace their pleasant voices with unappealing, loud noise and, even worse, screams?

Vocalization in Sex

“My wife moans, talks and directs me… I love it. Especially the directing.” –A man

According to dictionary definitions, voice is characterized as the sounds produced through the mouth by a person speaking or singing, whereas noise is described as a sound, in particular, a loud, unpleasant one. Vocal expressions provide more accurate information about one’s emotions than facial expressions and gestures. Moreover, the most frequently reported sexual vocalizations are moaning/groaning, followed by screams and instructional commands, squeals, and words (Kraus, 2017; Prokop, 2021).

We can see that words feature at the bottom of the list of seductive sexual vocalizations. This is due to the risk of being misleading. Other forms, especially screams and moans, are often perceived as automatic, instinctive reactions rather than intentional ones and hence, feel more credible to lovers. Thus, men exhibit clear adaptive preferences for high-pitched feminine voices, and women show analogous preferences for low-pitched masculine voices. Moreover, men with more masculine voices tend to be physically bigger, stronger, and more aggressive and have higher levels of testosterone (Neuhoff, 2017). Changes in voice can serve as a salient medium for signaling a person's attraction to another, and romantic interest may be distinguished through vocal tones alone (Hughes & Puts, 2021).

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Pavol Prokop (2021) found that although vocal pitch is typically an honest signal associated with successful status, the frequency and intensity of sexual vocalizations are significantly and positively associated with sexual arousal. Many females reported that they exaggerated vocalization to pretend orgasm. Less sexually restricted females may use sexual vocalization to increase their sexual attractiveness to their current partner by means of boosting their partner’s self-esteem. Indeed, promiscuous females use copulatory calls more than monogamous females (Prokop, 2021). Another study indicates that about 66 percent of respondents moan to speed up their partner’s orgasm, and 87 percent moan to pretend orgasm. While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were most reported preceding and simultaneously with male ejaculation (Brewer & Hendrie, 2011).

Are Screaming and Moaning Beneficial?

“I need noise; I need to hear moans during sex, I need to know I'm doing the right things.” –A woman

“My favorite noise that a woman makes in bed is a sudden declaration of ‘YES!!’ As if her team just won a goal.” –A man

Many people associate moaning and screaming with pain. How is it, then, that people make these noises while experiencing sexual pleasure? Are we not embarrassed to omit such loud, unappealing sounds?

A plausible explanation for this puzzling behavior is the sexual arousal transfer mechanism that occurs when excited by stimulus, often nonsexual, that generates sexual arousal. Cases such as makeup sex, which occurs after an unpleasant, heated fight with a partner, are exciting due to the transfer of the arousal state of the fighting to the sexual interactions, thereby re-establishing the mutual bond. Similarly, screaming and moaning are a type of stimulating noise that is transferred into sexual excitement. A major benefit of screaming and moaning is that they are perceived as genuine indications of the partner’s nonindifferent attitude.

In light of the association of sexual vocalization with disturbing noises, many people avoid producing such noises during sex to protect their partner’s feelings and avoid negative emotions (Séguin, 2024). This is particularly true concerning screaming, which is often regarded as an unappealing noise.

Having Sex With Your Eyes Closed

“My eyes naturally close as I'm approaching orgasm.” –A woman

Eye contact is key to romantic interactions (Ben-Ze'ev, 2019). Research suggests that having sex with the lights on can lead to better intercourse (Koukouna et al., 2016). Nevertheless, although the eyes build intimacy, sex in the dark remains common, and closed eyes during sex, having sex with dim lights, and being excited by blindfolded sex are popular tactics.

Increasing sexual excitement often combines intermittently opened and closed eyes. Many people enjoy opening their eyes at the beginning of the interaction, which can take various forms, such as having the lights on, a constant gaze, or occasional glances. Closing the eyes is common later on, toward climax. Eye-closing, too, can be done in different ways, by voluntarily dimming the lights or by being blindfolded. For those open-eyed moments, mirrors can be helpful.

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Are Screams Compatible With Eye-Closing?

“I believe that screams are not genuine. I expect men to express their pleasure with only a few moans.” –A woman

“If I can keep my eyes closed, it's a lot easier for me to be ‘present’ instead of distracted.” –A woman

Both screaming and making love with closed eyes have similar benefits of spicing things up, reducing inhibitions, and adding elements of surprise. Moreover, the main task of the two activities is that of focusing attention; making love with closed eyes focuses the agent’s silent attention on oneself, while screaming tries to focus the partner’s attention on the screaming agent.

Participating in both activities (i.e., screaming and closing your eyes at the same time) is less effective. One benefit of each activity is that shutting down one sense intensifies the other so vocal accuracy can be improved when shutting our eyes (Kraus, 2017). Although simultaneously screaming and shutting our eyes during sex is counterproductive, isolating each action is beneficial.

Restricting information by closing your eyes, as well as introducing new information in the form of screaming and moaning, are beneficial in different circumstances and to different extents. Although noise is helpful during sex for many, it is not the case that the more noise you make, the better sex you will have. The right balance is vital here. Too much noise may make your partner question your sincerity, and there are many people who just cannot stand screaming—in bed or anywhere else.