Feelings First or Second: The Pursuit of Happiness

Talking about thoughts and feelings can be confusing.

"Do thoughts cause feelings?" If you think something terrible will happen, will you feel anxious, angry, or depressed?

"Do feelings cause thoughts?" If you are feeling anxious, are you more likely to think that something terrible could happen?

"Do thoughts have the power to control or change feelings?" If you are rational and review the evidence and probability of the possible threat, will you feel better?

"Do feelings have the power to change thoughts?" If you feel a chill, having distracted or medicated yourself, will you now think you can manage?

The words thoughts and feelings often refer to the same thing. But thoughts and feelings are different. When we talk about them, we need to be more precise. For example, anxiety is a word used to describe a level of arousal experienced as unfavourable. Excitement is used to describe a level of arousal, however, this is experienced as favourable. The level of arousal in each case might be the same, but different interpretations result in mixed feelings.

There are two ingredients associated with the 'feeling' words we use: a level of physical arousal and an analysis of conditions and outcomes

Despite yourself

The interpretation of circumstances precedes and causes physical arousal.

Thoughts don't upset you, your instinct does in a specific set of circumstances.

This survival analysis occurs unconsciously, naturally, and automatically. You don't choose to do this, it happens whether you want it to or not.

Therefore:

Your instinct's reaction to your environment causes arousal

Your instinct flavours the arousal into a multitude of feelings

Your feelings precede and cause thought

Feeling causes thought, not the other way around!

The expression of your thought (your awareness, your explanations, your logic, your rationalizations, your self-talk) is the product of less than 5 percent of brain activity and is most determined and controlled by your feelings

A change in thought can moderate the flavour of arousal only if it can change the automatic interpretation made by instinct. You need to know what your automatic interpretation is before you can begin to change it.

Distraction (activity) can affect your attention and change the focus and nature of your instinctive understanding

Any medication (drugs) that affect your brain also affects your instinct, arousal, and the feelings and thoughts you experience.

Therefore, your feelings can be influenced by manipulating your survival instinct through medication, activity, and thought.

Western culture puts feelings first. It emphasizes life is all about how you feel and how you should spend your time while pursuing meaning and happiness. It shows us how to do this through:

1. Medication

Selling us drugs: Alcohol, Caffeine, Nicotine, Narcotics

2. Promoting various activity

Working, playing, relaxing, avoiding, spending, partnering, parenting

3. Thought

Gurus, education, books, blogs, pods

How effective is this emphasis on feelings?

Not very.

The doomsday clock says it's a few minutes to midnight. Violence and terrorism are increasing. The difference between people who have and those who don't is expanding. There is increasing conflict at work, at school, at the supermarket, and on the roads.

Feelings, determined by instinct to be the cause of what we think and do, are not meant to last. Either good or bad, feelings are temporary. They are continually changing, courtesy of our never-off survival instinct. They are not intended to be constant or continuous. Trying to keep them steady and favourable is impossible and hence extremely frustrating.

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A focus on feelings keeps us in buying mode (for drugs, distractions, and gurus). Feelings can never remain constant, and we are eternally drugging, distracting, and blaming ourselves or our gurus for this inconsistency.

Focusing on what we do, rather than how we feel, is the way out of this groundhog-day mess. That's a big ask, and perhaps it was never meant to be easy.

But we can do more despite ourselves.

You can keep 'what you do' ahead of 'how you feel' in different activities—working, playing, relaxing, avoiding, spending, partnering, parenting.