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There are lots of blog posts and videos out there about the habits of tidy people, but these are mostly about their behavioral habits. I thought I'd unpack some of the characteristic thinking patterns of tidy people. If you're messy, this article might help you understand why (and what to do about it!).
1. Tidy people value tidying.
This point might seem somewhat obvious, but it's also foundational. Tidy people are more likely to see cleaning and tidying as valuable work, rather than as a pain in the butt compared to all the other "more valuable" work they could be doing.
I recently wrote a set of end-of-year self reflection prompts, and one of the questions I included was: "What did you change your mind about this year?" For me, this year I changed my mind on the value of tidying up (well, at least somewhat). Previously, I've thought there was no way, no how, I was spending an hour a day keeping my house clean. It just seemed so pointless and repetitive compared to everything else on my to-do list. However, as life circumstances change, values change. I have a toddler, and I don't want her to grow up in a chaotic, messy house. Keeping things tidy seems part of maintaining a calm home environment, which is how I want her to remember her childhood.
Why did I just tell you that story? I told it to illustrate that values aren't just static and dispositional. Circumstances contribute to what people's values are, and these change, especially during different life stages.
There's a circular element here too. When people spend considerable time keeping their house clean and tidy, being a tidy person becomes part of their identity, and this will increase the extent to which they value tidying. This mechanism creates an ongoing circular loop of values leading to behavior, leading to values.
Solution: If you don't inherently value cleaning and tidying, link it to something you naturally highly value. In my example, this would be providing my kiddo with a calm home environment. This is actually one of my favorite and often-used strategies for getting myself to do important things I know I "should" do (see The Healthy Mind Toolkit for more explanation).
2. Tidy people don't hang onto things "just in case."
Let's say you have five items you could throw out. For each item, you estimate there's a 20-percent chance you might need it in the future, and you'll end up buying a replacement if you throw it out. Would you, on average, hang onto four items you'll never use to avoid replacing one item you end up needing? If you're a tidy person, chances are you wouldn't.
On the other hand, if you're someone who experiences lots of guilt about consumption and its effects on the environment, and/or about spending money unnecessarily, you might be prepared to take that trade-off and hold onto all those items. These thinking patterns might lead you to wasting less, but they're likely to also lead to you having a less tidy space. There's no right or wrong answer here. My point is just to help you explicitly understand your thinking patterns and the trade-offs you're making.
Solution: Do the math when you're considering whether to hang onto an item you might need. What's the percentage chance of that? If it's 10 percent, is it worth hanging onto nine items you'll never use for every one item you end up needing?
3. Tidy people don't let regret or guilt lead to hanging onto that item.
Sometimes people hang onto items they'll never use due to regretting a purchase or guilt about an unwanted gift. People think they'll hang onto the item until they can somehow make it right: for example, by slimming down to fit into a pair of pants they bought two years ago and have never been able to fit into comfortably. Or they think they'll use a food item that they bought and let expire. Or, they think they'll eventually find a way to use a gift that doesn't match their decor.
Tidy people may hang onto a few regretted purchases, but messy people likely do it more, and with lower-value items.
Solution: If you tend to hang onto low-value regret purchases, unwanted gifts, or items you've received for free, try mentally placing a monetary value on throwing an item away. Let's say you choose $10 as the value of making a decision, getting the item out of your house and off your mind, and not having to handle that item again. The number is arbitrary, but clearing your mental space for other things does likely have a monetary value. In today's society, many of us end up making convenient, but more expensive choices, because we're mentally exhausted. When you take items off your mind, you'll have more mental space for proper planning and foresight and be less likely to overspend because of poor planning or exhaustion. Note that this advice is aimed at people who tend to overthink decisions, not people who are thoughtlessly wasteful.
4. Tidy people can mentally work through situations that feel overwhelming.
On a behavioral level, you may have noticed that tidy people do a mixture of "keeping on top of things" and periodic purges (e.g., spending an hour or an afternoon cleaning out their closet). It's not that tidy people don't ever feel overwhelmed by clutter, it's that they can methodically work out a plan of attack when that happens. They're able to overcome their feelings of being overwhelmed by employing a variety of strategies.
Solution: Give up thinking you're going to find a magical routine that will result in cleaning or tidying always feeling easy, and you never feeling overwhelmed. Instead, start to accumulate an array of strategies you can use to clean up when you do feel overwhelmed. Different strategies will work for different situations, so you'll need a toolkit of strategies, rather than just one or two. I have a list of 21 strategies for how to get yourself to do things you feel overwhelmed by in The Healthy Mind Toolkit. This Youtube video also has some good, additional mental strategies.
5. Tidy people don't see themselves as above cleaning.
This point circles back around to my first point that tidy people value it. Since tidy people often see cleaning and tidying as an act of love or service, they don't see themselves as above it.
Solution: If you don't clean much and/or have historically had help with cleaning (e.g., by a parent, ex-partner, tidy roommate, or paid housekeeper), consider whether you've got some subtle entitlement beliefs along the lines of "I shouldn't have to do this. I'm more important than this." Or even more subtle versions, like "I work really hard. I deserve to not have to do this."
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