In Love and War

Rethinking the way we treat ourselves.

Juliana Breines Ph.D.

In The Extreme, These “Good” Personality Traits Can Turn Bad

Certain personality traits are associated with better relationships, career success, and other benefits. But taken too far, these traits can have the reverse effect.

Which Is More Empowering, Forgiveness or Revenge?

The best way to respond when we’ve been hurt may depend on a number of factors, including the offender’s intentions.

Three Reasons It Can Be Hard to Know What You Really Want

These psychological biases may hinder your ability not just to reach your goals, but to know what they are in the first place.

Six Common Ways People Justify Unethical Behavior

People sometimes behave in ways they know to be unethical yet continue to see themselves as moral people. Here are some possible reasons why.

Self-Compassion vs. Letting Yourself Off the Hook

Are you being self-compassionate or just taking the easy way out? Ask yourself these four questions to distinguish between the two.

The 5 Most Awkward Things People Say to Adults Who Don't Have Kids

Misconceptions about non-parents are common and can make for awkward conversations. Here are some tips for navigating them.

Can Self-Compassion Help You Get to Bed Earlier?

Do you ever find yourself staying up too late despite your best intentions? If so, this approach might help.

10 Ideas for Coping with Loneliness During Social Distancing

Social distancing is essential for saving lives during the pandemic. Here are some ideas for reducing the feelings of loneliness that can accompany it.

5 Things Our Judgments of Others Say About Us

Research suggests that the way we evaluate others provides insight into our own desires, fears, and personalities.

If You're Haunted by Regret, Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Regret is hard to avoid, but there are ways to lighten the burden. Research suggests that these three perspective shifts can help.

This New Year's Day, Celebrate Your Successes

Far from self-indulgence, this strategy might be a more effective way to reach your goals.

These Common Ways of Seeking Happiness Can Backfire

It’s natural to want to be happier. But research suggests that the things we do to increase our happiness don’t always work the way we hope they will.

Think You Lack Willpower? Here Is Another Possibility

On the surface, a lack of willpower might seem like a personal failing, but research suggests the truth is more complicated. In some situations, it may be the more logical choice.

What Motivates People to Take Health Risks?

Why do people sometimes behave in ways that put their health at risk, even when they have no desire to harm themselves? Research suggests social concerns can play a role.

How Rejection Sensitivity Derails Relationships

It’s common to have fears and insecurities about relationships, but sometimes these fears take on a life of their own—with destructive consequences.

Why Some People Resent "Do-Gooders"

Success may inspire others, but it can also fuel resentment. Here’s why — and what you can do about it.

Why Searching for the “Perfect” Partner Can Leave Us Lonely

“Never settle” is a helpful mantra, but it can cause problems when taken to an extreme.

5 Ways Self-Compassion Promotes a Healthy Body Image

Many people are overly critical of their appearance. If you're one of them, self-compassion might help.

The Surprising Reason We Might Look Down on Others’ Choices

The desire to feel good about our own decisions can sometimes lead us to scoff at those who’ve made different ones.

Why Some People Are Reluctant to Be Self-Compassionate

Does the idea of treating yourself with kindness make you feel uncomfortable? A recent study sheds light on why that might be.

3 Tips for Discussing Politics Over the Holidays

Nervous about going home for the holidays because of the political blow-ups that might ensue? Try these three strategies.

Is This the Secret to Reaching Your Healthiest Weight?

To improve your diet, change the way you see yourself.

7 Ways to Make a Long Commute Less Painful

Lengthy commutes can threaten health and happiness, but they don’t have to. Here are seven research-based suggestions for surviving (and maybe even enjoying) your commute.

Love and the Power of Wishful Thinking

Want to turn a friendship into a romance? This simple strategy just might work.

The Perils of Comparing Ourselves to Others

It’s normal to wonder how we measure up in relation to others, but dwelling too much on these judgments has a cost.

4 Ways You Can Finally Establish Healthier Habits

For a culture so obsessed with self-improvement, we’re not very good at it. But there is hope, if we change our approach.

5 Surprising Reasons You Should Look Back on Your Past

Reflecting on the past can enrich the present (and the future) in unexpected ways.

7 Reasons to Follow Your Own Path

Unsure whether an unconventional path is worth the struggle? Consider these seven reasons to stick it out.

5 Ways That Self-Esteem Boosting Strategies Can Backfire

When you’re feeling bad about yourself, these approaches may be tempting, but they’re unlikely to serve you in the long run.

6 Ways That Your Name Influences Your Decisions

Are you following your heart—or your name? Research suggests that we gravitate to people, places, and things that sound like our own names, often without realizing it.

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