Loneliness is a complex problem of epidemic proportions, affecting millions from all walks of life.
Verified by Psychology Today
A new approach to living well
Tim Carey Ph.D.
Controlling people are only problematic when we become conflicted about doing what they want.
We always make decisions relative to other decisions we could have made or different goals we could have achieved.
There is not a stick strong enough nor a carrot juicy enough to deposit a “sense” in someone else’s mind if it does not fit with their views and their life.
Parenting is the greatest trip on earth. I wish you the ride of your life.
Life, in fact, for as long as it exists, is an ongoing process of realizing the experiences or outcomes that we have determined must be established.
The spirit of genuine curiosity is a humble acceptance of our innocence when it comes to the experiences of another.
Be prepared to be surprised and delighted at what your mind will accomplish for you if you let it do all that it is designed to do.
Getting to know all that you want could be the most important learning you ever make.
We’re not living in the past, we’re sorting in the present.
Recognising people as controllers is very helpful for understanding and improving interactions.
We’re designed to correct things when they are different from how we want them to be.
Life is a formula - in fact, it's two.
Nothing is ever good or bad but controlling makes it so.
Nagging people to change a goal that they’re currently nurturing rarely works.
We are all wanters. Every one of us wants lots of different things all day, every day.
Goals are always about the outcome or result of particular behaviours, not about the actions that bring those results into being.
It is the case that when one path is chosen, this has the effect of limiting our choices in other areas.
Angst, stress, and inner torment can arise when the goals of different mes are incompatible or even oppositional.
The key to changing unwanted behavior is to find and get to know that place in your mind where the behavior is not unwanted.
The Holy Grail of humanity is findings ways to control what we want without stopping other people from doing the same thing.
We need to get much better at appreciating that behaviour from an observer’s perspective can be an entirely different experience from behaviour as it is experienced by the behaver.
If you want to live a more mindful life or any kind of life at all, do what you can to understand the process of control.
Control is like air. It’s all around us all the time and it’s essential to life.
It turns out that control is not the problem but, rather, it is the things that people choose to control that can either forge or fragment social bonds.
How can we create a world where you and I can both get what we want?
Being with others in ways that let them be and also allow us to get on with our own being is, perhaps, the most urgent quest of our time.
Control is one of the non-negotiables of living; at least if you want to stay living.
When correcting any problem, the way in which the trouble is understood will have a large bearing on how effective and efficient the remediation efforts are.
Control is nothing more than the activity of making things be the way an individual wants them to be and keeping them that way until the individual decides they don’t need to be that way any more.
Understanding control is our greatest promise for a peaceful and ongoing future for our planet.
Tim Carey, Ph.D., a clinician and researcher, is a professor and Director of the Centre for Remote Health in Alice Springs, Australia