How to activate your brain's superpowers.
Verified by Psychology Today
A new approach to living well
Tim Carey Ph.D.
While psychological distress can manifest in a multitude of ways, the sense of being bothered is a common theme.
It is the nature of controlling people to control.
Let's start a tradition of raising our glasses at social celebrations and toasting "May you live life your way."
Everything we do is connected to our wants.
Control is nothing more mysterious than making things happen the way you want.
Contentment is nothing more than getting what you want, day in and day out.
Controlling people are only problematic when we become conflicted about doing what they want.
We always make decisions relative to other decisions we could have made or different goals we could have achieved.
There is not a stick strong enough nor a carrot juicy enough to deposit a “sense” in someone else’s mind if it does not fit with their views and their life.
Parenting is the greatest trip on earth. I wish you the ride of your life.
Life, in fact, for as long as it exists, is an ongoing process of realizing the experiences or outcomes that we have determined must be established.
The spirit of genuine curiosity is a humble acceptance of our innocence when it comes to the experiences of another.
Be prepared to be surprised and delighted at what your mind will accomplish for you if you let it do all that it is designed to do.
Getting to know all that you want could be the most important learning you ever make.
We’re not living in the past, we’re sorting in the present.
Recognising people as controllers is very helpful for understanding and improving interactions.
We’re designed to correct things when they are different from how we want them to be.
Life is a formula - in fact, it's two.
Nothing is ever good or bad but controlling makes it so.
Nagging people to change a goal that they’re currently nurturing rarely works.
We are all wanters. Every one of us wants lots of different things all day, every day.
Goals are always about the outcome or result of particular behaviours, not about the actions that bring those results into being.
It is the case that when one path is chosen, this has the effect of limiting our choices in other areas.
Angst, stress, and inner torment can arise when the goals of different mes are incompatible or even oppositional.
The key to changing unwanted behavior is to find and get to know that place in your mind where the behavior is not unwanted.
The Holy Grail of humanity is findings ways to control what we want without stopping other people from doing the same thing.
We need to get much better at appreciating that behaviour from an observer’s perspective can be an entirely different experience from behaviour as it is experienced by the behaver.
If you want to live a more mindful life or any kind of life at all, do what you can to understand the process of control.
Control is like air. It’s all around us all the time and it’s essential to life.
It turns out that control is not the problem but, rather, it is the things that people choose to control that can either forge or fragment social bonds.
Tim Carey, Ph.D., a clinician and researcher, is a professor and Director of the Centre for Remote Health in Alice Springs, Australia