How to Overcome a Bad First Impression

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We do it all the time: We check each other out.

Within seconds of coming into contact, we make rapid-fire assessments about others based on how they dress, chew their food, talk, stand, act, laugh, or gossip. Often, we do it without having any direct interaction at all; we hear a rumor or bump into someone at the grocery store and we form an evaluation.

Unfortunately, a negative first impression—even if we later discover it is inaccurate—can be tough for even the finest person to overcome. It can stifle a relationship, unless we give it a second thought.

In a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers Thomas Mann and Melissa Ferguson found that you can change a bad first impression. Although it's difficult, it is possible, with new information and reasoned thinking.

Here's what to do:

Go With Curiosity Over Judgment

Leading with curiosity challenges us to slow down long enough to take a second look and remain open to new information. It encourages us to embrace compassion, rather than judgment. Fostering curiosity reminds us that there is no way that we can ever know the whole story of another person from a glance or handshake.

When we do this, we delay judgment, allowing us to connect with others, or at least pass by without forming an opinion. We can observe and notice without labeling. We can stop defining without the details.

In Ferguson and Mann’s experiment, they gave participants only part of the story. They told about a man “invading” people’s homes and taking “precious things," Study participants automatically decided that this guy was a villain. But when they heard that the homes he invaded were on fire and that the “precious things” he was taking were trapped children, their impressions changed.

When people are given information that helps them see the initial negative information in a new way their implicit judgments can shift quickly, according to the researchers. As long as they have a chance to think about the new data, they tend to rework their first impressions. Yet, according to a follow-up experiment, when individuals are distracted while receiving new, more favorable information, they are less likely to make the shift.

First Impressions Can Limit

In reality, most of us will not get the follow-up story. We will never know all the details.

We are never going to hear, for example, that the mother who let her kid scream in the grocery store as she rushed down the aisles seemingly without a care, was exhausted and needing to get home after radiation treatment. Or that the guy at the party who never looked you in the eye—rude, right?—is recovering from agoraphobia, and this had been his first party in two years. Maybe the mogul you thought had it all grew up on the streets and anonymously donates millions each year to foundations and nonprofits to help the homeless.

These are the things we miss and will never know. Since everyone has a backstory, perhaps we can just head into each interaction with an open mind and genuine interest. This is not only more reasonable to those we meet, but a smarter strategy for all of us.

After all, people and situations that we misjudged prematurely may have led to the next big thing. For example, what if the woman with the meek, "fishy" handshake was the CEO of the Fortune 500 company that you always wanted to work for? Or the guy in the old, wrinkled suit jacket that you mislabeled "weak-minded" was really looking to invest—maybe in your company?

When we lead with curiosity rather than judgment—and compassion rather than conviction—we may discover a whole new storyline and unexpected opportunity.

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