Allow Me to Interrupt: ADHD and Being a "Shrew"

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As a creative writing major in college, I ended up landing in a Shakespeare class. I probably looked pathetic lugging that heavy red anthology textbook around. Gilly (that would be moi) was the small girl who carried all her books around everywhere she went, even if she didn’t need them. On her back. Like a feminine wannabe-hitchhiker.

Once, I was waiting in my regular spot outside class several minutes early, when a large football player’s eyes landed on the book I was clutching. His silhouette progressively grew as he approached me. I could feel the hairs on my arms standing at attention, like miniature soldiers.

“Shakespeare? I love Shakespeare!” he said, scanning me up and down like a laser while I stood there, hyperaware of the awkwardness that is me.

“Oh yeah?” I asked. “What’s your favorite play?” This was a genuine question. What can I say? I was naïve. Actually, I’m still naïve.

But here was his answer:

Silence.

And then: “I like all of them!”

Unlike him, I was able to name one Shakespeare play, but I guess at the time, I didn’t have a favorite either. However, I had watched the movie 10 Things I Hate About You before taking the class, and I was familiar with Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, which is the play that inspired the movie.

If you aren’t familiar with The Taming of the Shrew (or if you forgot the plot), here’s the gist:

Katherine is the older of two sisters. She is late to marry because she is strong-willed and vocal, qualities that were considered a big no-no for women in Shakespearean times. Katherine’s father ends up marrying her off to Petruchio, a man who was expected to “tame” a “shrew” like Katherine. What this actually meant was changing Katherine so that she fit the mold of what was considered “acceptable” behavior for women. And Petruchio does seem to “tame” Katherine in the end.

But Katherine’s “transformation,” as it is shown in the play, is not clear-cut. Katherine, like other females, has amazing social skills. She plays with language and with Petruchio’s feelings. For example, after Petruchio calls Katherine “waspish,” Katherine responds with, “If I be waspish, best beware my sting.” This was her way of cleverly manipulating a statement that was meant to be an insult into playful, mocking, and even somewhat sexual banter.

Boom, Katherine! Here was a female character with whom I could finally connect. As a young woman with respect, frankly, I was done with the Cinderellas of the world and ready for more Mulans. Women are complicated, and for some reason, it’s like the world doesn’t want us to be.

Why is it that girls who do not fit in a predetermined box are immediately labeled “shrews”? Maybe that isn’t exactly the word people use today. But here I stand, a clinical psychologist and a mother, telling you I have repeatedly been labeled “rude,” “inconsiderate,” and “vocal” (sometimes not in the good way). And I have tried so hard to dispel those misperceptions about me by attempting to cover up who I really am. The thing is, I know I am not any of those things.

Like Katherine, I have my quirks. And being in a society that isn’t designed for those quirks pushed me to try to find ways to create a place for them in this overwhelming world. This translated into my writing as I actively searched for motivation and inspiration to write.

I was pushing myself like the Little Engine That Could, writing stories since I was 14. In class, before class, during class, and in between classes while the alarm blared and pimply teens shuffled around my desk.

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In reality, I was on the lookout for the panacea for distractibility. The instant remedy for a “rude,” “inconsiderate” girl who only wanted to sit still and get some coherent words down on the page, but couldn’t.

Here’s another detail I didn’t know. As a woman, then girl, with undiagnosed ADHD, this constant search for fuel to stay attentive—to maintain the thrill of novelty—was not limited to writing. And that constant search can drive a girl berserk.

The confusion surrounding ADHD in females led me, like many other women who were diagnosed with ADHD as adults, to have our symptoms solely attributed to depression or anxiety. And guess what? Being misdiagnosed can worsen anxiety and depression. And if you didn’t already know, ADHD, hormonal flux, depression, and anxiety can, and often do, co-occur in women.

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ADHD heightens so many significant risk factors for women when compared to men, including a higher mortality rate and a greater likelihood of psychiatric admission in adulthood. Females with ADHD also tend to experience significant shame when reflecting on their earlier impulsive behaviors and have a greater risk of attempting suicide compared to females without ADHD. With these stats, why are so many women getting diagnosed with ADHD only now?

The problem is that the criteria still being used today by mental health professionals to diagnose and treat ADHD were developed based on, and mostly for, boys.

Here is one question I and many other women are asking:

If the diagnostic criteria were developed based on and mostly for boys, how can we draw reliable conclusions about girls’ and women’s ADHD based on them?

One thing we are quickly learning about ADHD in women, which seems intuitive, is that the role of emotions and emotional dysregulation has been underemphasized in the ADHD criteria.

I mean, think about it. If it’s hard to control our behavior, it will, by default, be hard to control our emotional responses. And for girls, who are more susceptible to anxiety and depression, this relationship is amplified.

Excerpted from Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women's ADHD. (c) 2025 by Gilly Kahn. To be published by Post Hill Press in September. Used with permission.