A Year-End Self-Care Guide: Do Something for Others

The wellness industry often portrays self-care as a solo pursuit: spa days, bubble baths, and $40 candles. While these moments can be valuable, what if connection and caring for others could be just as nourishing a form of self-care? This season, when self-care is in high demand, let’s remember that caring for others is a powerful way to fill our own cup.

The Myth of “Solo” Self-Care

My friend Jennifer recently admitted that she doesn’t "get" traditional self-care. Rather than solo escapes, she finds resilience in connecting with others—whether it’s sending a thoughtful text, surprising me with individually wrapped pints of vegan ice cream on my birthday, or offering her full attention in one-on-one conversations. For her, self-care is all about community.

The generous ice cream! Look at those ribbon curls!

Source: Author (hands off!)

We’ve all experienced this: buying lunch for a friend going through a breakup, delivering soup to new parents, checking in on a colleague who’s having a rough week, or caring for a sick partner or child. When we pay attention, we realize these small acts don’t just help others—they nourish us too. It’s like a bee pollinating a flower: the bee gives pollen to the flower, and in return, receives sweet nectar. When we show up for others, it feels good.

And let's not deprive others of that same joy. Part of what drives the self-care industry is the belief that we need to “fix” ourselves so we don’t burden others by showing up imperfectly. In truth, asking for help is a generous act—it gives others the chance to show up for us.

True Self-Care for Year-End

Writing this post at a coffee shop—a solo act of self-care—a friendly guy with two large backpacks asked if he could share my table, encouraging me to keep writing. After returning to my laptop for a few minutes, I decided to ask about his trip, and it led to a beautiful moment of connection. Was that an act of care for him—or for me? Most importantly, why can’t it be both?

Source: Nathan Dumlao/Unsplash

During the holidays, it’s tempting to retreat into solo self-care. After the chaos of work, shopping, and hosting, quiet time can feel pretty urgent. I’m all for alone time, but when we see self-care as just about being alone, we miss something important. This season, instead of escaping, we can use self-care as a pull to connect. Jennifer’s approach reminds us that self-care and community care are more connected than we often realize.

Four Ways to Make Community Care Your Self-Care

1. Small Gestures: Skip the pressure of perfect gifts. Instead, try small, heartfelt gestures—buy a coffee for the person behind you in line, bake extra cookies to share with a friend, or write a note to someone you appreciate. It’s nice to get a thank you back, but remember the value lies in the giving.
2. Check In: Rather than retreating inward, reach out. A quick text or audio message can nourish both of you. While you’re at it, you might ask for advice or help.
3. Meaningful Conversation: Amid the seasonal chaos, carve out time for meaningful conversations. Schedule a phone date with a far-away friend or spend quality time with nearby family. Try this prompt: “What’s something surprising you learned about yourself this year?”
4. Bring People Together: If you’re feeling disconnected, chances are others around you are, too. Invite friends to join you for yoga, binge-watching, or takeout. It doesn’t need to be elaborate—and you might find that helping others connect makes your self-care even more rewarding. Not sure where to start? Check out this neat guide from the U.S. surgeon general on easy ways to invite and host.

Wrapping It Up

I lead a weekly mindfulness group, and on the days when I’m least in the mood to lead, I find the most joy in creating this space for others. It’s a reminder that community care can be just as nourishing—if not more so—than staying home and lighting a candle.

Don’t worry—I’m not here to take away your solo time. We all need those moments of quiet. But this season, let’s remember that self-care isn’t just about time alone. By embracing community care, we tap into something even more lasting. Spa visits and candles may fade, but the connections we build, they are the gifts that keep on giving.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.