Gratitude
Gratitude: Finding Sweetness in the Bitterness
Happiness is not what happens when life goes our way.
Updated October 14, 2025 Reviewed by Margaret Foley
Key points
- Gratitude isn’t just for the good times; it helps us find lightness when life feels heavy.
- Gratitude is a practice, not perfection. Show up consistently, and it will reshape how you see the world.
- Thanksgiving is a good time to practice gratitude, but don’t let it end there.
It’s tempting to think gratitude is what we feel when life goes our way—a relationship working out, or an election victory. But the truth? Gratitude isn’t about our life being perfect. (Good luck with that.) It’s about paying attention to life as it is—messy, bittersweet, beautiful.
Finding Gratitude in the Mess
Life’s thrown me some tough moments lately—a breakup, the loss of a dear uncle, and, as a federal employee, professional uncertainty post-election. Even in the sadness, I’ve found myself grateful: for friends who showed up without hesitation, the joy of a dance floor, and the fleeting warmth of my dog’s cuddles before she inevitably bails for the other couch. (She's rude but sweet.)
Oddly enough, I’m grateful for the sadness, too: It reminds me how deeply I care for others, for myself, and for this messy, beautiful country.
The Power of Gratitude
Research confirms what poets and philosophers have known for centuries: Gratitude is transformative. Studies show that practicing gratitude can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety and increase overall life satisfaction. The kicker? This has nothing to do with everything going smoothly.
Gratitude Amid History
Elections stir up so much—hope, fear, exhaustion, and uncertainty about what comes next. Perhaps you feel setbacks looming large. Gratitude invites us to, as poet Derek Walcott so beautifully puts it, "fall in love with the world in spite of history.” It isn’t about ignoring the darkness but about noticing the light—a colleague’s perseverance, a neighbor’s hug, or a wisp of new possibilities.
Sweetness in the Small Moments
For me, gratitude has taken root in a simple ritual: emailing a friend one thing I’m grateful for (almost) every night for over three years. Some nights, the words come easily; other nights it feels like grasping at straws. But even then, gratitude nudges me to look again—to notice the barista’s smile, the taste of pumpkin pie, or the fact that someone cared enough to read my words. (Thank you!) It hasn’t erased the grief of losing my uncle or the ache of a breakup, but it has helped me hold those moments differently.
Every day, there are literally billions of acts of kindness. But we have to notice them. A few days ago, my friend led a mindful eating practice with a single strawberry. For two whole minutes, I held it, smelled it, felt its pebbly texture, and finally took a mind-bending nibble. The attention I gave that strawberry made me feel alive. Yes, sadness lingered, but something else was there, too: sweetness.
Three Ways to Infuse Gratitude Into Your Thanksgiving
Gratitude thrives when we engage the world with intention.
1. Reconnect, With Curiousity. Give your loved ones a little extra attention—yes, even the ones who push your buttons. (As Brené Brown says, they know how to push them because they installed them.) Instead of bracing for conflict, approach with curiosity. Point out something you appreciate—like their coffee-making skills, spotless counters, or ability to go with the flow—and try to let the rest go.
2. Savor Your Imperfect Meals. Whether it’s your Thanksgiving feast or your Tuesday night leftovers, mindful eating is an easy way to be grateful. Slow down and savor at least the first few bites—even if the Tofurky is dry or the pie is store-bought. Gratitude is also for effort and care, not just for Michelin stars.
3. Honor Loss and Hope. Holidays often bring the ache of absent loved ones, the family we wish we had, or, perhaps this year, hope tied to an election. Instead of pushing sadness away, make space for it—share a story, create a new tradition, or explore hope for the future. Gratitude helps us honor what’s missing and embrace what’s before us.
Gratitude as Practice, Not Perfection
Gratitude doesn’t have to be grand; it just needs to be consistent. It’s about showing up, day after day, even when it feels hard. And it’s not just for the holidays.
Whether you text a gratitude partner, jot down a few moments in a journal, or simply whisper “thank you” to your dog (or God, if you prefer) before bed, gratitude is preparation for life’s challenges. While sometimes it tilts more toward the hard, life is never all good or all bad. Gratitude helps us hold it all, one imperfect, beautiful moment at a time.
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