Getting Through the Holidays After a Loss

Source: Image by Peggychoucair from Pixabay

The “holidays” present us with opportunities to reconnect with loved ones, reaffirm our faith, celebrate life’s wonders, and step back from our weekly work schedules. Families gather, parties abound, gifts are exchanged, and hearts open. Moved by a heightened sense of what matters, we are moved to sing, dance, feast, and toast our way into the New Year.

But the holidays can also bring daunting emotional challenges.

Watching others enjoy holiday “cheer” when we feel there’s little to celebrate can be painful, lonely, and even unbearable. After suffering a loss of any kind, we are likely to have a bad case of holiday “blues.”

Helping ourselves through the holidays this year, whether celebrating or grieving, we must take exceptionally good care of ourselves. Here are a few things we can do to effectively get through the holidays and beyond:

Stop and Take an Honest Inventory of How You’re Doing

How are you doing this holiday season? Are you happy, sad, angry, glad, relieved, scared? What’s weighing most heavily on your heart? Write it down on a blank paper, being 100% honest with yourself.

If you’re feeling heartsick, lost, empty, or alone, it’s OK to say so. By wrapping your arms around yourself and showing yourself kindness, patience, understanding, and support, you are clearing the path forward. There may only be so much you can do to change, but you’re doing it.

You may be worried about your marriage, business, health, or kids, dreading spending the holidays alone without your children or being unable to spend Christmas with your ex.

Taking honest inventory is the first step to getting grounded. Listening to your own heart grounds you in what’s true and alerts you to priorities that most need your attention. Doing this also activates you to make mid-course corrections.

Breathe Deep: Inhaling Strength and Courage, Exhaling Fear

A deep breath sends your body, mind, and spirit a message that everything will be OK. You can do this, one breath at a time. Keep the faith!”

Begin to Take Action

Good things usually happen one brave step at a time. Getting through the holidays with all its roadblocks, detours, and traffic jams requires courage, calm patience, self-compassion, and thoughtful advance planning.

Disarming yourself of shoulds, coulds, must-dos, must-haves, and other external pressures and giving yourself permission to be led by patience, self-compassion, support, kindness, clarity, understanding, encouragement, and care changes everything.

Put Together a Roadmap for Plan A

Imagine yourself looking and feeling wonderful and rested on January 1st, 2025, as the holidays wind down and the New Year begins. You are relatively lighthearted, proud, at peace, and hopeful for the future. Picture it. See it as possible! And feel it. Allow these things to come into your imagination and give you the strength and faith you need to make it happen.

Looking back on January 1st, ask yourself, “What exactly did I do or not do to make this happen? How did I take care of myself? Who did I spend time with that gave me energy? And who did I avoid spending time with that would have drained me of energy? What good conversations did I have with people I love and care about? How did I nurture and support myself? What am I thankful for that I did? And did not do?

Let your answers to these questions form a roadmap called “My Plan for the Holidays.” Write down precisely what you need to do and not do to make the holidays what you want them to be.

Follow the Plan

Expect distractions! Stay firm, but be flexible. Say“yes” to the people and things that feed you and “no” to the ones that don’t. Create a solid backup plan if and when necessary. Stay true to yourself and your best interests. Firmness, along with some flexibility, is your best insurance.

Forgive, Thank, and Bless Yourself For a Job Well Done

One of the most important steps in getting through the holidays is what happens on January 1st. Thanking, forgiving, and blessing yourself for doing the very best you could under the circumstances is an important step. It’s OK to also think about things you could have done differently and will want to remember going forward. Gratitude, appreciation, and acknowledgment for your efforts set the stage for doing even better next time.

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Things don’t need to go perfectly this holiday season. No matter how much work you do on your Master Plan, something unexpected will likely happen and cause disappointment, sorrow, frustration, stress, and/or confusion. Life will be…life. We don’t get to control everything. We live in a world in which things do not go as planned. And we can learn to live with this.

Give Selflessly of Yourself

The spirit of the holidays is and has always been, giving. Not just the material gifts but of ourselves. Compassion, empathy, understanding, philanthropy, love, and forgiveness are the currency of life, not money or the consumption of stuff. Counting our blessings and paying them forward makes the world a better, safer, more peaceful, and caring place.

Do a Continuous Improvement Debriefing After the Holidays

While things are still fresh, pinpoint how you can do even better in the future. Ask yourself, “In a perfect world… what could I have handled better? What would I do differently to ensure a better result? What did I learn this holiday about taking better care of myself? Write these things down in a letter or e-mail to yourself and open that letter before the holiday season next year.

Rest, Relax, and Rejuvenate

You have done your best to get through the holiday season. Now it’s time to rest. Allow yourself a few moments, hours, and days of well-deserved rest and relaxation. Let go and breathe!

Define Your Vision and Success for 2025

Set aside time to think about the things that make your heart sing and have been helping you heal. Get your schedule organized, priorities clear, and focus on things that really matter. Allow yourself the time and support you need to settle into your life’s new normal and move forward.