Transformers: 7 Ways People Change Their Lives Fast

The plaque that sits on the wall next to my desk.

Source: Marty Nemko

Many people would love their life to be transformed instantly. And, just occasionally, I've seen that happen.

Here are the triggers I've most often seen:

A tactful question

As I wrote recently, a tactfully confronting question can very occasionally do the trick. In that case, the question was, “I appreciate your intelligence and passion, but does it contain a tinge of anger?” That embarrassed the person, whose angry personality suffused much of what he did and thought.

A rush of all the ways that his angry personality has hurt him made him that moment commit to zero tolerance for his anger. He instantly felt better: still engaged and passionate but calm and not oppositional. A week later, he continues to feel transformed: kinder, with people more open to his ideas, and him feeling better about himself and the world.

Slogging and slogging and then, inexplicably, transformed

I’ve had a number of clients who, for a long time, had been slogging with a problem: for example, procrastination or substance abuse. And one day, they simply decided, with no prompt from anyone, to do a 180. And for a small percentage of those people, that new resolve stuck.

Doing it for their new romantic partner or child

A typical explanation is, “I don’t want to screw up this relationship.” Or “I want to be a good role model for my child.”

Proving someone wrong

I’ve had a few clients say that a disparagement by an authority figure—parent, teacher, school counselor, or boss—drove them to prove the person wrong. Often, it was a comment about the person’s intelligence or potential. For example, there was a parent who told their child, “You’re not smart enough for that.”

Another example was when a high school counselor said, “I think you’d be happy working at the post office.” That student hated school, which is what caused the counselor’s statement. He ended up an eminent veterinarian, invited to speak at conferences all over the world.

The most literary example I've heard is what a teacher wrote on the class clown's essay: "If you wish to wallow in your bog of intellectual nothingness, don't bore me with your puerile attempts at humor." He is now a college president.

A role model

Occasionally, a person in your life or in a movie or biography can be inspirational enough to make a person say, "I’m going to be like them." For example, Eleanor Roosevelt, Margaret Thatcher, or Walt Longmire, the tough but calm, kind, and literate sheriff in the eponymous TV series.

A momentary observation

Occasionally, the trigger for transformation is a single moment: for example, seeing a homeless person who inspires your sympathy or overhearing a comment that rocked your world. For example, the following quote has sat on the wall beside my desk for 30 years now. It says in part, “The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” (Calvin Coolidge)

Hitting rock bottom

Some people suddenly change only when they’ve hit rock bottom. One client said, “I just was sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

The takeaway

A common denominator among those triggers for sudden transformation is that they came largely or completely from within the person, not from getting advice.

It also seems that instant transformations can’t be willed. Perhaps the best you can do is to stay alert for insights and experiences that just could change your life.

I read this aloud on YouTube.