Happiness
Is It Possible to Choose to Be Happy?
Just maybe we can change our disposition.
Posted August 18, 2021 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
Yesterday, a client had an insight; “I only have three emotions: fear, anger, and sadness. I’m going to try to choose to be happy."
He called me today, apologizing for having reached out between sessions but felt he had to share his good news. Here’s a paraphrase of its essence.
From the minute I awoke, all I thought about was “choose happy.” When I got dressed, I picked the shirt I liked best, even if it made me look fat and a bit garish: bright orange rather than the usual black or navy. I picked socks that weren’t standard — they had a yellow stripe up the side.
I said, screw it, I want caffeinated tea instead of my usual ultra-healthy green crap — and I’d add cream and sugar.
Instead of overeating, which makes me happy for a moment but miserable the rest of the time, I ate only low-calorie foods I nonetheless like.
When my usual irrational fears came up — usually about getting caught at something and catastrophizing that it will cost me big, I kept saying, “It probably won’t happen and thinking about it will only spoil the good time."
Instead of working so hard on that report that really won’t matter much, I did it the fun and easier way.
When I watched the news, instead of anger at people's stupidity and bias and the shortsightedness of our so-called leaders, I turned off the news — there’s virtually nothing that little ole me can do about it other than be wise in my conversations and donate the few bucks I can afford here and there.
Rather than finish that book I was starting to tire of, I dumped it and started a more promising one.
Instead of, as usual, looking for an opportunity to complain to my girlfriend about her, my fear or anger du jour, or about being constitutionally sad, I too chose happy. When I recounted my day to her, I talked only about the good that happened, what I was looking forward to, complimented her, and didn’t feel the need to try to solve her problem when I sensed she just wanted to be heard. I just had a glass of wine, listened, and was supportive. I love it: Choose happy! I’m happy now, Marty.
My client's approach bodes well for its success because it uses mass incrementalism. Let's unpack that:
He's being incremental, changing small things over which he has full control, such as what he decided to eat at that moment or how he'd react to an intrusive thought. That's easier than deciding that happiness requires a major change, for example, a new career, spouse, or move to a new locale. Not only are major changes difficult, daunting, and prone to procrastination, but we all know people who have made such a change only to find that sooner than later, their level of happiness returned to baseline.
Now let's turn to the mass part of mass incrementalism. He made a mass of changes, having turned his entire focus to making little choose happy changes. That alerted him to the myriad little opportunities during the day to be happier. In total, that can increase his happiness more than with one macro change.
His having experienced big improvement within just a single day is self-reinforcing. It having worked on day one makes it more likely he'll want to continue staying focused on choose happy in day two and hopefully beyond.
Care to give choose happy a try?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
