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Here's my approach to homework for personal growth. Much of this should be of value not just to therapists, counselors, and coaches, but to any of us in self-improvement efforts.
What homework?
Near the end of a session, I’ll typically ask the client to summarize what s/he wants to remember from the session. That boosts the chances s/he'll consider material from early in the session, not just from the end.
The response primes the client for my typical next question: “So, is there a homework assignment you’d do eagerly?" Where possible, I try to say yes to their idea because self-assigned homework considers many factors: their perceived self-efficacy, motivation, and how much time they have available. My assent also empowers the client. That said, sometimes I'll ask, “Do you think it’s wiser to do that or to (insert my idea)?” If the client doesn’t readily accept my alternative, I’ll either accept theirs or if I think it’s diagnostically significant, I might ask, “What do you think is the reason you prefer your assignment?”
Some examples of homework:
- At least for the rest of today, each time you’re about to drink something, say aloud the behavior change you’re trying to make this week.
- For the rest of today, keep a log of what you’ve done regarding your job search.
- Use Google search to find three articles on public speaking. Identify three takeaways you want to practice.
- Revise your Match.com profile per our discussion. Reach out to at least one person. Maintain high standards.
- For the rest of today, log what’s going through your mind at the moment of truth when you should do something but are resisting.
- Between now and next session, practice just one thing: being more (or less) assertive. Log your successes, failures, and reason behind each.
- Identify three ideal employers and draft a letter to each in which you request a conversation. Bring the draft to our next session.
- When you go out to eat, order the lowest calorie item on the menu that you like.
- Draft what you’d like to say to that person with whom you want to break up. Practice it and deliver the message. Or we can practice and maybe revise it together next session.
Prepping for success in doing homework
Sometimes, a client needs a jump-start if s/he is to do the homework well. For example, if we agree that s/he’ll try to identify five people with the power to hire him/her for the target job, I’ll ask, “Do you think you’ll be able to unearth those yourself or should we identify one together and you do the other four at home?”
Another example: Let’s say the client wants to reach out to friends to get job leads and I sense that the pitch will be weak, I might ask, “So, what could you say that will make the person want to really tout you?” We might role-play that until we feel the pitch is good. We always record sessions so, at home, the client can listen to the role-play before practicing.
Some clients, particularly procrastinators, are helped by scheduling time to do the homework. In those cases, I might ask, “Would it help to schedule a regular time each day or each week that you treat as inviolately as you would a doctor’s appointment?”
If after all that, I’m still not confident that the client will do the homework, I often ask, “If we were in Vegas, should I bet big that you’ll do the homework and do it well, bet only a small amount, or bet against you?” Unless the client says, “Bet big,” I’ll ask, “What could change so it was a sure bet?” Sometimes, it’s a change of assignment, sometimes it’s a reminder of the good risk/reward of trying it, and occasionally, it’s a deeper problem that needs to be tackled next session.
Finally, I sometimes ask the client, “Would it be helpful to, each night before you go to bed, email me the letter-grade you’d give yourself for your homework efforts and results that day?”
The next session
If the client reports having done the homework, my typical response is, “Great. Do you want to tell or show me what you’ve done in case I have some feedback that might be helpful?”
If the client doesn’t do the homework, my typical response (in a not-schoolmarmy way) is, “Well, there are many reasons one might not do homework: You were too busy. Or it was too hard. Or it ended up feeling like it wasn’t worthwhile. Or something else. What was the case with you?”
Would you like to try any of the aforementioned in doing or assigning homework?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
