Verified by 
Depression
Overcoming Depression and Desperation in the Time of COVID-19
Depression, anxiety, and fear are real challenges. Here are tools to help.
Posted April 21, 2020
You may be familiar with the five stages of grief articulated by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. She noted the flow as:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
Over time, other mental health experts expounded upon this to include:
- shock or disbelief
- denial
- bargaining
- guilt
- anger
- depression
- acceptance/hope
It is often noted that not every phase needs to occur, nor do they necessarily always occur sequentially. As you experience the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic — concern for or loss of a job, concern for your health or that of a loved one, the need to social distance, confining yourself to your home or apartment, changing your routine, spending more screen time than normal — do any of these grieving signs look familiar?
For many, I would include desperation and a byproduct during the depression phase. We can become desperate when things seem out of our control — our finances, our health, our relationships.
Prolonged, close confinement and isolation from others can be a debilitating combination during times of stress and worry. Worry and fear can become a monster, taking on a life of their own. Especially for those prone to struggle with anxiety and worry, a pandemic can make us “go there” quickly and powerfully.
After a couple of months of life-altering change, I believe many have entered the anger and depression phase. Frustratingly, data is showing us that the rate of spousal and child abuse has increased during sheltering in place. Anxiety and depression, already at record levels, have increased. No doubt this pandemic is taking a toll — individually and collectively — on our society’s mental health.
The reason I mention the seven stages of grief above is twofold: First, I believe it is helpful for us to understand that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating a sense of loss and grief within our society. Second, your feelings are normal and actually follow a generally acknowledged pattern. That second point is important because as you see in the lists above, the end of the sequence is acceptance and hope. That means that we can eventually get to a “better place.”
My life’s work, and the work we do every day at The Center, is to help individuals work through their difficult past life experiences and their current struggles. We focus on getting each person to a place of balance, understanding why they feel the way they do, provide knowledge of what they can do moving forward to stay in a better place, and offering hope for a future of purpose and happiness.
How Do We Get Ourselves in a Good Place During Times of Depression and Desperation?
In my book Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear, the first section explains the effects of prolonged or severe anxiety and worry. I want the reader to understand both the potential physical and mental outcomes from excessive fear and anxiety. Once the reader recognizes that they are experiencing the effects of anxiety, worry, and fear, they can then focus on how to overcome them.
Here are specific action items you can take to control your environment and your thoughts.
1. Control the Volume: What to Turn Up, and What to Turn Down. You don’t have to look far on the internet, television, even your weekly Zoom chats with your college friends, to hear worry, anger, despair, fear-inducing predictions. Your thoughts seem correct to you because they are yours. But they can become subjective, influenced by what others say, influenced by past life experiences, influenced by your irrational fears that may have galvanized over the years.
Work to objectify your thoughts. Objective thoughts can be defined simply as “what most people would agree is sensible and reasonable — having reality independent of the mind.” Objective thoughts can differ significantly from subjective thoughts, especially in times of stress and depression.
This can be challenging for some to accept. A lifetime of thought patterns can be difficult to decouple and reconstruct. Many of us watch one news station, affiliate with one political party, talk with one group of friends with similar thoughts and beliefs. How much are they influencing our independent thought? Are their inputs reinforcing a false narrative, or spurring fear and an inaccurate view of an event? If those inputs are all we know for 10 or 20 or 30 years, it can be a real challenge to add other viewpoints or information to be considered. Each outcome can be bent to confirm our thoughts, validate our fears and warrant our worry. Reading a story of a homeowner finding a 20-foot python in their garage in an Amazon village can lead some to an irrational fear to avoid their garage in Seattle.
Tips. Decrease the amount of information that causes you anxiety. Negativity and pessimism can wear on any of us. Recognize it in yourself and others, and work to minimize or avoid it. Positivity, hope, and encouragement are appreciated by all of us. Seek it out and contribute to it yourself.
Increase the amount of information that is unemotional, factual, that provides actions you can take to mitigate exposure, enhance hygiene, obtain a work loan, and other important tasks in your life. Do you feel helpless? Ask for help. Stop and calculate the odds of your fear. Act reasonably and responsibly based on solid information.
2. Refuse to Sweat the Small Stuff. There are only so many hours in a day, and only so many things we can address. Create a priority list, and work through it. Is your house getting messier with more family members spending more time in the house? Decide if it is Big Stuff (probably not) or Small Stuff. Ask for help from others to participate in the Small Stuff so it doesn’t become Big Stuff.
During stressful times (and most other times), learn to let go. Anxiety and fear scream at you that “you’re in danger.” Everyone is either friend or foe. Anxious people hang on to too many things too tightly.
Tip: One of the main strategies to reduce anxiety is to declutter your life. For the anxious or fearful person, take an honest look at what you are doing – and work to do less. Does that cause you more anxiety when you read that?!? Are you thinking “there is no way I can let things go, I need to be doing more to get stress out of my life!”
If so, take a deep breath and calm down. That is your anxiety talking. Identify small things at first — reduce your social media community of a few people whose comments anger or worry you, get rid of clutter in a room that causes you continuous angst.
3. Take Charge of Your Health. Almost all of us can do better at sleep, fitness, and nutrition. And the benefits can be profound. At The Center, your body is one of the three main pillars we focus on to restore and strengthen your mental health. A healthy, well-rested body is stronger — physically and emotionally. Do you not know how to change your diet for the better? There are a lot of good articles on the internet, and there are nutritionists that are happy to provide a plan. We believe it is so important that we employ nutritionists to help each client create a healthy meal plan.
Avoid alcohol, take a probiotic, infuse your diet with leafy greens and lean protein. Create a peaceful, quiet, cool and dark sleep environment. Avoid eating within two hours of sleep, and prepare for sleep each night by avoiding stressful TV shows or conversations within an hour of sleep. Avoid blue lights (alarm clocks, cable boxes, fans) in your dark room at night.
4. Reset the Stage. Write Your Own Script. Each story is told from a particular point of view. We are either optimistic, or pessimistic. When anxiety, depression, and fear are prominent in your life, your story most likely has a pessimistic bent. But there is good news. We get to decide what we think, what we say, and what we do.
“But when I’m depressed, it’s hard to be positive,” you might say. There is no doubt that depression and anxiety are challenges to a positive script. I recommend two approaches to help.
a. Talk it out. Have a heart to heart with yourself. Be fair, realistic, control the volume, and lean positive. Reinforce the things you want in your life. “I want to feel less pressure to keep a clean house,” for example. “I want to be more positive to others.” Recognize when you are tempted to lean negative, and create a positive viewpoint of the same situation.
b. Write it out. It is one thing to talk to ourselves. Often, we do it in our heads. While it can be effective, there is real power in physically writing down your thoughts. That is why journaling is so valuable to many. Practice writing down ways you are going to introduce more positivity into your script. Write down how you are going to handle challenges without drama, or fear, and with a sense of calm.
Bonus Tip: Include God in your script. Make time to pray. Make time to reinforce your values and the ethos that are important to your soul. “I want to help my fellow man more. I want to be more reliable, more understanding, more patient…” Write down what challenges you from being more of what you want. Where you feel you need help, seek it from trusted friends. And seek it from your most trusted source, God.
There is hope. You can change the things in your life you want to improve. You can reduce the amount of worry, fear, and anxiety you feel on a day to day basis. It takes practice, commitment, and, I believe, a good dose of faith.
Hang in there. You can do it. And your upcoming stage performances are bound to be filled with more joy and purpose.
Authored by Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center — A Place of HOPE and author of 40 books on mental health.
