Gratitude
How Practicing Gratitude Can Help Families of Gray Divorce
Research indicates that our relationships, minds, and bodies benefit from gratitude.
Posted November 27, 2025 Reviewed by Devon Frye
Key points
- During the challenges of gray divorce, gratitude can shift the focus from loss to hope.
- Research finds that gratitude lowers depression and boosts emotional and physical well-being.
- Gratitude practices can help estranged parents and adult children heal their relationships.
The pain of loss and grieving is a constant companion for those experiencing divorce. It's difficult to focus on the positives when we are in pain.
The science of gratitude offers hope for family members of gray divorce—that is, couples aged 50 and older ending their marriage.
How Can Parents and Adult Children Practice Gratitude?
Thomas, 58, has been struggling with depression since his divorce seven years ago. A family friend of Thomas referred him and his 32-year-old daughter, Sarah, to me for family therapy.
In addition to the loss of his marriage, Thomas has lost his relationship with Sarah. She blames him for her parents' divorce and has not allowed him to spend time with his four-year-old grandson.
Thomas sat diagonally across from me on the loveseat in my office. My therapy dog, Friede, sat on the floor with her head resting on his leg, as Thomas softly scratched her ears and said, "She's a great therapy dog. I already feel a little better touching her soft fur and ears."
"Yes, she's an excellent healer," I replied.
He began. "I understand why you are seeing Sarah and me separately."
"As you know, Thomas, you and Sarah have confidentiality with me in the individual work we have been doing. Both of you gave me permission to share with you what I think will benefit you."
I continued: "For many years, both of you have been in pain about your relationship. Of course, since Sarah has not allowed you to see your grandson Sammy, it's deepened the loss for both of you. I think you and Sarah are now ready and willing to learn about the practice of gratitude, which can help you be able to meet in a family session eventually."
"You are right. I am ready and willing."
In their individual sessions, I educated Sarah and Thomas about the power of gratitude and gave them a handout containing the following information and exercises about gratitude.
What is Gratitude?
With my patients who are struggling with the pain of loss and grieving that ensues from divorce, I utilize the work of Dr. Robert Emmons, an internationally renowned researcher and expert on gratitude. Emmons says two components comprise gratitude.
First, it's an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, and that we have received gifts and things that benefit us. We also acknowledge that life is not perfect, and we have had negative, painful experiences. We need to look at life with a broader view that encourages us to identify some goodness in our lives.
Second, we recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. It requires that we acknowledge that other people, or higher powers, if we have a spiritual belief, have provided us with many gifts and benefits to help us achieve the goodness in our lives. Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present—what we have, rather than staying stuck on what we don't have.
Dr. Emmons' research from the past two decades found that people who practice gratitude consistently report the following benefits.
- Less discomfort from aches and pains
- Lower blood pressure
- Exercising more and taking better care of their health
- Sleeping longer and feeling more refreshed upon waking
- Stronger immune systems
- Higher levels of positive emotions
- Feeling more alert, alive, and awake
- Experiencing more joy, pleasure, optimism, and happiness
- Feeling more helpful, generous, and compassionate
- Being more forgiving
- Being more outgoing
- Feeling less lonely and isolated
Another researcher, Dr. Alex Wood, found that gratitude can reduce the frequency and duration of episodes of depression.
I continued. "What comments and questions do you have about the gratitude handout I gave you?"
"I have none. I understood it."
I paused to give him time to reflect and share any comments and questions that might come to him. He was silent.
"You and Sarah have both struggled with depression. I hope Dr. Wood's research gives you more hope."
"Yes, I am definitely more hopeful. What's next?"
"You probably recall me telling you about the gratitude journal."
He nodded that he did.
"Here is a packet about how to write your gratitude journal. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Follow the directions, and you'll be on your way, Thomas."
Thomas and Sarah spent three weeks writing their gratitude journals and sharing with me what they learned and how it benefited them. Both said they realized that they wanted to work together in family sessions to heal their estranged relationship, which they did.
If you relate to Thomas and Sarah's story, it might be a good fit for you to work with a therapist who has expertise in how gratitude can help.
Patient names and details changed to preserve confidentiality.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
Copyright 2025 Carol R. Hughes, Ph.D.
References
Emmons, Robert A. Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. (2007).
Alex M. Wood, John Maltby, et al. "The role of gratitude in the development of social support, stress, and depression: Two longitudinal studies." Journal of Research in Personality, 2008.
