Divorce

How Healthy Coparenting Benefits Families of Gray Divorce

Healthy coparenting is pivotal in maintaining enduring family bonds.

Updated June 29, 2023 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Key points

Gray divorce is increasing, and healthy coparenting is crucial in navigating unique coparenting scenarios.
Healthy coparenting after gray divorce can mitigate the emotional turmoil of significant life transitions.
Healthy coparenting can foster enduring family bonds by preserving traditions for all family members.

Healthy coparents of gray divorce prioritize their children's well-being, whether minors or adults.

Source: Anthony Shkraba/Pexels

Gray divorce refers to splits in couples age 50 and older. Researchers have found that the gray divorce rate doubled between 1990 and 2015, and they predict it will triple by 2030. These couples may have been together for several decades or ended second or third marriages. They may have children in various stages of adulthood, and some may have minor children, which creates unique coparenting scenarios that extend beyond the conventional framework of child-rearing.

Healthy coparenting is crucial for families of gray divorce as they enter uncharted waters and may be unaware of how to navigate changing dynamics and nurture life-long relationships.

What is healthy coparenting?

Healthy co-parenting involves two separated or divorced individuals working together to prioritize the well-being of their children, whether minors or adults. It's about treating the other parent with respect, maintaining open lines of communication, showing consistency in decision-making, and adapting to changes.

At the heart of co-parenting lies cooperation. Both parents need to function as a team, putting aside personal differences and focusing on their common goal: the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of their children.

Effective communication is the backbone of any successful co-parenting relationship. For parents of gray divorce, this means being able to discuss topics about their children's lives, family traditions and celebrations, career decisions, familial relationships, financial decisions, and grandchildren if they have them. Effective communication is respectful, neutral, and child-focused.

Consistency in decisions is equally important. Consistent values, advice, and expectations create a sense of stability and unity for separated family units.

Why healthy coparenting is crucial for families of gray divorce

When gray divorce couples have healthy coparenting relationships, they provide:

Emotional stability for children. Regardless of age, children are affected by their parents' divorce. A divorce later in life often signifies a significant life transition, and not just for the divorcing couple. Minor and adult children report it is difficult grappling with all the losses and shifting family dynamics. A healthy co-parenting relationship can make this transition smoother by providing emotional stability during this challenging time.
Parental support and guidance. Mature children still need both parents. Healthy co-parenting ensures that they can access both parents' perspectives and wisdom as they navigate life challenges.
Mitigation of emotional turmoil. Gray divorce can be unsettling for adult children, who often find it difficult to reconcile with their parents' split, experience loyalty issues toward one of both parents, and doubt their myriad feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and guilt are valid. Healthy co-parenting can help mitigate the emotional impact by showing them that their parents can still cooperate and communicate effectively, even if they are no longer a couple.
Family unity. The couple's shared history and children keep them connected even after a divorce. For parents of gray divorce, healthy co-parenting involves preserving family traditions and relationships, like celebrating holidays together, taking family trips, or maintaining regular family gatherings. These traditions provide comfort and continuity, keeping familial bonds despite the change and providing a sense of family unity to comfort them and their children.
Modeling of healthy relationships. Even adult children look to their parents as models for their relationships. Parents who maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship can model positive behavior for their adult children, which includes showing how to navigate disagreements respectfully, communicate effectively, and put the needs of others before one's own. Parents who demonstrate respectful and cooperative co-parenting model for their adult children gracefully and resiliently handling complex personal situations.
Respectful grandparenting. Many gray divorces involve grandchildren, and so healthy co-parenting also extends to grandparenting and includes making joint decisions about grandparenting and being united in the grandparent role, ensuring that grandchildren will have a harmonious relationship with both grandparents.

Family is forever

A healthy coparenting relationship is beneficial for all family members. Healthy coparenting in the aftermath of a gray divorce can be an emotional and complex journey and may be difficult at the outset. It requires open communication, empathy, and patience. Professional guidance, such as therapy or mediation, can help coparents learn healthy skills that can become paths leading to stability, respect, and enduring family bonds.

The underlying principle of healthy coparenting for families of gray divorce is that the parents' mutual respect and shared commitment to their children's and grandchildren's well-being transcend the turmoil of their marital dissolution, so their families in multiple homes can feel the warmth of family, love, and unity, irrespective of the changing family dynamics.