When Healing Feels Like Backsliding

Healing is a non-linear process.

Source: Tim Gouw / Unsplash

Healing is often talked about like it’s a clear path. You start from pain or struggle, and then little by little, you get better. But, in real life, healing doesn’t usually look like that. It’s not a smooth climb up a mountain—it’s more like a winding trail with twists, dips, and sudden turns.

You might have a week where you feel great—calm, hopeful, and proud of how far you’ve come. Then, suddenly, something triggers you, or your old habits come back, and you feel like you’ve gone backward. It’s easy in those moments to panic and think, What’s wrong with me? or, I thought I was over this.

But here’s the truth: Healing is not linear. Feeling worse for a little while doesn’t mean you’re broken. In fact, it’s often a sign that you’re going deeper with your healing.

Why Healing Doesn’t Happen in a Straight Line

Healing, whether it’s emotional, physical, or mental, involves change—and change takes energy. Sometimes your brain or body needs time to catch up. Sometimes something stressful happens that stirs up old patterns. That doesn’t mean your progress is lost.

Think of it like learning a new skill. If you’re learning to play the piano, you won’t get better every single day. Some days, your fingers trip over the keys. Other days, it clicks. Over time, you improve, even with those off days.

Emotional healing works the same way. There will be setbacks. There will be hard days. But that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re still growing.

What “Backsliding” Might Look Like

Backsliding, or feeling like you're regressing, doesn’t always show up as a major crisis. It can be subtle, like:

• Feeling more tired or anxious than usual

• Losing motivation for things that used to help

• Having stronger emotional reactions than expected

• Struggling with self-doubt or negative self-talk

• Returning to old habits, like people-pleasing or shutting down

These moments can be confusing, especially if you’ve been doing “everything right.” But healing doesn’t mean being perfect. It means learning how to return to yourself when you get thrown off.

The Shame Spiral

One of the hardest parts of backsliding is the shame that often comes with it. Many people think, I should be past this by now, or Everyone else seems to be doing better than me.

But comparing your journey to someone else’s doesn't help move you forward. We really have no idea what other people are going through. Having a different path than other people doesn’t make yours wrong. It just makes it yours. You may also find that many others are experiencing the same issues as you; they just may not be sharing it with others.

Instead of judging yourself for struggling, try saying: This is part of it. This is what healing looks like sometimes. Compassion, not shame, is what moves you forward.

Growth Can Be Invisible

Not all progress is obvious. You might react in the same ways, but now you notice your behavior as soon as it happens. That’s big progress. You probably still have anxious thoughts—but now you have learned a few tools to help you through them. That’s progress, too.

Just because you’re still facing challenges doesn’t mean you haven’t grown. In fact, challenges push us to grow, even when we really don't want to. You’re learning, through your hard work, to respond in new ways—even if it's inconsistent at first.

How to Care for Yourself During a Setback

When you feel like your progress is stalling or going backward, it helps to slow down and offer yourself support, just like you would for a best friend.

Here are a few gentle ways to practice self-care:

• Name what’s happening. Say to yourself: I’m having a hard moment, not a hard life. Labeling the experience can give you some space from it.

• Focus on giving yourself what you need. Eat something healthy, drink water, and rest if you need it. When things feel chaotic inside, simple routines can ground you. Consider writing down your daily routine or using a habit tracking app to make sure you are taking care of your essentials.

• Talk to someone you trust. Sharing what you’re feeling can remind you that you’re not alone—and sometimes hearing yourself say it out loud brings clarity.

• Revisit what’s helped before. It might be journaling, going outside, listening to music, or doing something creative. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time you struggle.

• Let go of the timeline. There is no "right way" to heal. You may have people tell you that it should take X amount of months to feel like yourself again. You’re allowed to take your time and follow your own life's progression. If you feel anxious that you have not met someone's "benchmark" for healing, know that you are the expert on you. Your timeline is your timeline.

Grief Essential Reads

Flipping the Script on Grief

Everything Is Going to Be OK

The Big Picture

When healing feels like backsliding, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re doing real work—facing hard things, feeling your feelings, and learning to care for yourself in new ways.

Progress isn’t always visible. Sometimes it’s just getting through the day without giving up. Sometimes it’s choosing not to judge yourself for hurting. That matters. That counts.

So if you’re in a standstill right now or feel like you are regressing, take a deep breath. You haven’t lost ground—you're still moving forward. You’re still on the path to healing. Healing is not a straight line up the mountain.

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