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Technology and the Loss of Intimacy

Learn how to reconnect with your partner.

In the age of technology, are we losing contact with each other? Sure, there is the superficial contact of emails, texting, and even phone calls - but are we sacrificing face-to-face time for quick communication?

Granted, in many cases, such as with long-distance relationships or when a spouse or partner is deployed overseas, virtual contact may be all that is available. However, for the majority of us, we have the luxury of spending face-to-face time with our partners. But we have become so focused on our phone/tablet/laptop/what-have-you that we are ignoring the person that is right in front of us.

Being able to communicate at the speed of light is great - but there is little intimacy in that communication. True intimacy comes from face-to-face time.

How can you regain that intimacy with your partner?

1. Have a "no electronics after 9pm" rule. Turn your phone, television, tablet, laptop, etc. OFF. And keep it off until you wake up tomorrow morning. Your brain needs a chance to unwind, and you need to spend some time connecting with your partner. (And don't say that you need your phone on so you can use it as an alarm clock. Get a real alarm clock.)

2. Keep the TV/tablet/laptop out of your bedroom. The bed should only be used for two things: sleeping and sex. It is not for checking your email and playing Angry Birds. Spend that time actually talking and touching your partner.

3. Stop arguing electronically. Having an argument over text is just ridiculous. It's almost impossible to decipher feelings and intentions over text. And you're more likely to say things via type that you would never say to your partner's face. Take a time out and save the discussion for when you see each other in person.

4. Don't text when you can talk. Texting was designed for short messages, such as "On my way" or "See you at 6". It was not meant for carrying on long conversations. Call instead. If you can't call, at least hold off on the heavy discussion until you can. Very few things are so important that you have text them right now.

5. Write a letter to your partner. Yes, an actual pen-and-paper letter. Tell your partner how much you love him or her. Tell them what you appreciate about them. It means much more when you take the time to write a letter. It's great to text "I <3 you", but you need to add a little more substance to it.

If it's been a while since you've really connected with your partner, it may feel really...different at first. But different is good. It means you're changing and improving your relationship. Now go turn off your phone and get some cuddle time.

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