Verified by 
Alcoholism
Finding Comfort in Our Beds at Night
Going to bed at night can be restful or unsettling. Which way do you want it?
Posted April 14, 2014
Getting ready for bed is either a pleasant experience or one faced with trepidation. Being warm, cozy and safe invites rest and sleep after a long day of going and going and should be something to look forward to. However, if your life is overwhelmed with the alcoholic/addict it can be difficult to turn off our minds as the very quiet and darkness that should entice us to slumber turns into a hamster wheel of anxiety, fear, trepidation and endless stress.
A myriad of thoughts seem to always be pecking at our minds regarding the status of our loved ones addiction and or recovery life. If we are not focusing on one thing, there is always that constant buzz of stuff. Often, the worst possible scenario takes center stage and no matter how hard we try, we can’t quell our fears and anxiety.
So what can we do to keep the horses in the barn and not let them run rampant in the meadow of our mind?
• Make the bedroom inviting and soothing. Calm colors and tidiness is helpful. Like a little kids bedroom I bought some self adhesive stars to put on my ceiling. So when it’s dark they glow as if I were camping out. Somehow I feel closer to my higher power starring up at them.
• Surround yourself with things you like. Paintings that you enjoy looking at. Family pictures that are friendly (if there is an old picture of the good old days of how the alcoholic/addict looked before their uncharted road of unhealthy, then put them in a different spot), books, personal awards, etc…
• I love the smell of lavender so I spray some on my pillow. Discover a scent you like and use it. A candle or incense can be nice, but the danger of fire may take away from the relaxing nature.
• Indulge and encourage your needs for a restful night. I have French doors that lead out to my garden, so regardless of the temperature they are open at night. Maybe black out curtains or white noise might be helpful to lull the Sandman in. Regardless, make this sanctuary as special for you as you can and something to look forward to.
• If you have a pet and you allow him/her on the bed, enjoy the warmth of their body and their sweet beating heart.
• Comfortable beds with soft sheets, down comforters are a must. This is your special nest, so snuggle down. I have an electric mattress pad and I put it on a few hours earlier before hitting the hay. How yummy to get into such a warm nest.
Also, I prefer a tidy, made bed that is fresh and waiting for me at the end of the day. A crumpled bed may be indicative of a crumpled state of mind?
• Close your eyes and say to yourself that you’ve earned and need to rest; recharge and you’ve worked hard physically and emotionally throughout the day.
• A nightly prayer or quick gratitude list is helpful in calming down our thoughts. Every night I whisper that I am grateful for the day (however it may have turned out) and that I am taken care of and will continue to be so.
• If thoughts of dread creep into your head about the alcoholic/addict; where they are, anxious about what they doing, are they safe, happy, etc…take a deep breath and tell yourself that regardless of your religious beliefs they have their own higher power and they will be taken care however it is meant to be. Whatever you did or did not do that day regarding your loved one was the best you could do with the tools you have and the frame of mind you are in.
It makes ZERO sense to go down the list of “woulda, shoulda, coulda” as the day is over. And beating yourself up about what a lousy mother, father, mate or friend you are because you didn’t do this or that today, yesterday or ten years ago has absolutely no value to you or them.
• The last thing I tell myself is my favorite Scarlett O’Hara line from Gone with the Wind. “Tomorrow is another day…” This is important as we have no idea what the new day will bring, but if we are open to all the possibilities; good or bad then we are taking care of ourselves in the best and healthiest way possible.
Regardless if your sheets are 200 thread count or 500, if one doesn’t have a healthy and positive attitude toward your own life and daily experiences then a restful and recharging night’s rest may be difficult to accomplish. But please work at it; it’s worth it to wake up refreshed and fully charged, and maybe that will be more beneficial to your loved one then dark circles and an anxious disposition. Sleep is our friend. Let it be there for you. Trust that things will happen as they are meant to happen and tossing and turning at 2:00 am will neither help them happen or magically disappear.
If I can be of service, please visit my website www.familyrecoverysolutions.com or call (805) 695-0049. In addition, I invite you to explore my book Reclaim Your Life – You and the Alcoholic/Addict at www.reclaimyourlifebook.com, PayPal or on Amazon. In addition, my book is available as an audio on my website only.
