Resentment is an experience we all have at some time in our lives. It can be healthy to keep us from participating in the same mistake with the same situation again, or it can control our everyday life. Neither extreme is healthy, but a little dose of both is good for the soul.
College campuses seem to be hot beds for our youth to explore the world of alcohol and/or drugs. With no real supervision these kids only have themselves to answer to and some do with great respect and dignity, while others run rampant thinking they are invincible.
Robin Williams died of apparent suicide stemming from depression and drug addiction. It is a vicious circle as one feeds the other. If depression and addiction represent the door, the door frame and accoutrements then ego represents the key and lock and it can stay closed forever or opened to another world.
We all want to be supportive when our loved ones come out of a residential rehab program or are clean and sober for an extended period of time, but it's important not go over board on that gift. I think that being clean and sober is a gift in and of itself, so share something meaningful for all to enjoy and not just the one in recovery.
Taking time to check in with ourselves twice a day (morning and night) is a great way to process the little annoyances and large ones. Processing what is in our control and not, what is important and what is not is a good way to keep things under control and not to fester and build resentments.
Your loved one is finally going to a residential rehab. Due the diligence in finding the right program together. Don't get caught with a spur of the moment decision because everything comes to a head quickly.
if we are lucky, we can't avoid getting older. Embrace that time of your life with new challenges, friends and opportunties. Work jobs you only enjoy and become creative and bold with your own budding business. HAVE FUN! YOU'VE EARNED IT!!
Most holiday's are difficult, sad and challenging when a loved one is strill struggling with addiction, but somehow Mother's Day can be particulary tough. I received a moving and heartfelt poem from a reader dedicating it to Mother's all over the world that are facing a day that is empty due to their child's current addiction livestyle.
When all the elements come together for greatness, is it fate, luck, a higher intervention or none of these? I enjoy believing in a higher power and fate and experiencing what the day brings as I face it head on...good or bad.
When our child is once again asking for assistance to get clean and sober, it is vital that we step back and make sure we are taking care of ourselves before putting our heart and soul on the recovery line once again. Boundaries for oursevles are important for our own health and well being.
We all can be judgmental of others. It's human nature. But be careful that your judgment doesn't step on toes or over boundaries.
Being supportive is a far better approach and can lead to a happier outcome.
Fasten your seat belts as it's always an unexpected ride when communicating with the alcoholic/addict. The passive-aggressive disposition is cloaked in darkness and one never knows when it's going to rear it's ugly head.
The first step in a total and healthy recovery is going through a detoxification program. Whether it is under strict medical supervision or a more holistic approach, a clean and sober lifestyle is hard to obtain without this first step.
Sometimes the old adage of "well, it's family so what can you do" or loving unconditionally can get old and spawn resentment. Looking at family members that continue to make excuses for unacceptable behavior of another (or themselves) can be difficult.
Love and like are two different emotions and feelings. We love a lot of things, but do we still like them? I believe like is a finite feeling and comes with respect and trust over a consistent period of time. Love is like saying "I'm sorry"; easy, peasy to always pull up.
Sometimes there are people in our life other than the alcoholic/addict that make us uncomfortable or not fulfilled. Friendships are important and should be taken seriously and with respect and dignity.
If they are not, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.
We spend so much time focusing on the alcoholic/addict in our lives, that sometimes we forget about helping ourselves. Try puting together your own recovery contract to become healthier and happier in the new year.
Just because it's supposed to be a happy, loving family time, don't lose site of what's important to you and get carried away with the date on the calendar and lose sight of your boundaries. If you make a decision that is comfortable for you, disregard other's opinions.
As parents, mates, siblings or just plain friends, it is in our nature to reward positive, good behavior. But, take your time with giving extravagant gifts like money, a car, etc...
There are many ways to encourage or commend positive behavior and they don't have to have a dollar sign attached.
Discussing alcohol or drug addiction is never an easy subject. However, it is important for parents of a child who may be struggling with addiction to talk openly and honestly with other siblings as to the problem and the plan for recovery.
There are many subjects that are difficult for parents to talk to their children about. So much information is on the internet and as parents, we can often leave good old fashioned family teachings and values to cyberspace.
Sit down with your kids and talk about the ramifications about drug/alcohol abuse before it's too late.
It is amazingly draining and difficult in dealing with the uncertainty of the alcoholic/addict whether in their addiction or recovery. When will they get help or will they continue to remain clean and sober? A daily emotional struggle for the family.
The family member needs as much help with their recovery as the alcoholic/addict does with theirs. They are the silent majority and suffer right along side their loved one that has the addiction issue. But sometimes enough is enough and they can hit their bottom as well and scream for help with their issues.
Some people learn important lessons from their relapses and therefore relapse can become part of recovery.
But sometimes it's just a merry-go-round of sobriety and relapse, sobriety and relapse and when the relapse is also more self destructive than just starting the clock over in recovery, it is emotionally painful for the alcoholic/addict and the family as well.
It is so easy to be roped into a conversation that we don't want to have or are uncomfortable having with anyone; but when it comes to communicating with the alcoholic/addict in our life it can be an endless tunnel of dead ends.
Living and loving an alcoholic/addict is a difficult road to travel, but when we become their personal punching bag or thrown under the bus for their frustration and failures in recovery, we start to transform into someone we don't know. Frustration, poor communication, broken promises and attitude start to shape our daily lives.