Power-Impotence Relationships

The question of power-impotence relationships arises because many women have difficulty completely dissolving ties—i.e., bringing about a separation or breaking away from their employer—or at least distancing themselves emotionally from powerfully aggressive people.

Women often have a high value and moral system, can be extremely loyal, and may take responsibility for their child, family, and job, living in the hope that their relationship with their boss, partner, or even with powerful women will improve—someday. Such women believe in the insight of the other person, and in their ability to change the other person if they just persist. These women either have an enormous capacity for suffering; view life through rose-colored glasses; or hope that proof of love will come in the form of a promotion at work or more attention from a partner. Do you remember the image of the prince riding up to the rescue? These princesses hope for redemption and eternal happiness.

The Fixation on a Male Counterpart

When speaking of dissolving bonds here, what is primarily meant is the dissolution of the relationship on an emotional level, which is followed by detachment on a factual level. By factual, I refer to actions like termination, divorce, dissolution of the household, or a job search. When delving into the emotional area, which occurs long before the decision to change, detachment from the relationship becomes more intricate and complex if the woman involved lives or works in fixation on the male counterpart. This is not only because many bosses are men or most women have love relationships with men, but because these women feel they would not be complete without a man. They believe they could not manage their lives without a strong partner at their side. (This refers not primarily to the financial aspect, but to the emotional one.) They experience a kind of existential fear, an archaic feeling that a man ensures their own survival.

And so these women encounter powerful men who play out their power in a patriarchal system, when they have the opportunity and weapons to do so. These "weapons" range from verbal threats to the actual use of violence. Power in its negative form will strive to take possession of someone; specifically, these women. In this construct, certain women look for strong men to lean on and to give them security. But these very men may lead them to ruin. A child is an additional complication: If one takes an archaic outlook, it is the man’s task, at least from these women’s point of view, to ensure not only the survival of his wife but also that of his children.

In this scenario, women may be perceived as weakened both physiologically and psychologically, due to pregnancy, childbirth, and the demands of raising children. They may thus feel not only financially undersupplied or insecure and therefore dependent, but also energetically undersupplied and in need of protection—feelings which can be misinterpreted by women and exploited by men.

The Desire for a Strong Man

Women can theoretically take care of themselves; they do not really need the financial support of a partner. And a child is not solely their responsibility, but that of a pair of parents. This means: The protection that women really need is only temporary—namely for the time they need to recover after giving birth. From this point on, a couple has a child, and both have parental duties. The archaic principle of survival assurance should be obsolete today.

The call for a strong, dominant, assertive man is not a phenomenon limited to women. Entire nations often seek strong leaders from whom they hope for rescue and redemption. German history is a prime example of this. And those rescuers then lead the people into an actual struggle for survival. The end is known.

This phenomenon can be explained by the fact that people often find themselves hardly able to take responsibility for themselves. The blame for crisis situations in their own lives, challenging life situations, or problems in corporations is automatically sought outside: Responsibility is shifted. And anyone who generally shifts responsibility also assumes that the rescue must lie outside as well. But rescue is linked to power and thus, often enough, to violence. When children are involved, women’s need for security increases and they may be more likely to submit to a “strong” man. Or they turn the game around: Some use their children to secure a "golden cage" for themselves. At least at first, they do not realize that it is more cage than gold.