The Virtual Gratitude Visit

Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you.” It’s about recognizing the impact of the good things in our lives and appreciating how they have shaped us over time. Gratitude is about savoring positive experiences from the past.

Whether it’s for a mentor who guided us or a friend who supported us during tough times, expressing gratitude helps us focus on the positive aspects of our world. This practice not only lifts our mood but also strengthens our relationships, builds resilience, and enhances our overall well-being. Think of it as a mental workout for both your heart and mind.

The Power of Gratitude Visits

One popular gratitude exercise in positive psychology is the gratitude visit. Introduced by Martin Seligman in his book Authentic Happiness (2004), this activity involves writing a heartfelt letter of about 250 words to someone who has made a significant contribution to your life whom you have never thanked. The idea is to deliver this letter in person, sit with them face-to-face, and read it aloud. The impact is profound. Both you and the recipient experience a deep connection and positive emotions that linger long after the visit ends.

The Challenge of Distance and Loss

But what if the person you want to thank is no longer in your life? Maybe they’ve passed away, or perhaps you’ve lost touch over the years. Does that mean you can’t experience the benefits of a gratitude visit? Not at all.

This is where Dan Tomasulo’s (2019) virtual gratitude visit comes into play. It’s a way to gain the same emotional rewards, even when an in-person meeting isn’t possible.

What Is a Virtual Gratitude Visit?

The virtual gratitude visit is a creative adaptation of the traditional gratitude visit exercise with a depth psychology flavor. It’s rooted in the open chair method, a therapeutic technique often used in psychodrama or Gestalt therapy. This method involves imagining a conversation with someone as if they were sitting right in front of you. It’s a powerful tool for resolving unfinished business, processing complex emotions, and gaining closure.

By combining the open chair method with the gratitude visit, the virtual gratitude visit allows you to express heartfelt thanks to someone who isn’t physically present. It’s a deeply personal and emotional process that can be incredibly liberating and healing.

Why Try a Virtual Gratitude Visit?

Life doesn’t always give us the chance to say what we need to say. Maybe a beloved teacher moved away, or a family member passed before you could express your gratitude. The virtual gratitude visit offers a way to bridge that gap.

Research shows that expressing gratitude—even to an imagined version of someone—can reduce stress, improve well-being, and strengthen our sense of connection. Speaking your feelings aloud makes them more real and impactful. It’s an emotional release that helps you acknowledge and process your experiences.

How to Conduct a Virtual Gratitude Visit

Ready to give it a try? Here’s a step-by-step guide to conducting a Virtual Gratitude Visit, whether for yourself or with a client.

1. Create a Comfortable Space.

Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed for about 15-20 minutes. This should be a space where you feel safe and relaxed. If you’re working with a client, ensure they have this kind of environment, too. A brief grounding exercise can help set the tone.

2. Visualize the Person.

Close your eyes and imagine the person in your mind. Picture their face, recall their voice, and think about what they mean to you. Take your time until you can really feel their presence.

3. Write a 250-Word Heartfelt Letter of Gratitude.

Grab some paper and a pen, or open a new document on your computer. Write a 250-word letter to this person, expressing your gratitude. Start by explaining why you’re reaching out, then describe the specific things they did that you’re thankful for. Reflect on how their actions impacted your life.

4. Set Up the “Empty Chair.”

Now, position an empty chair across from you. Imagine the person sitting there, ready to listen. This is where the empty chair method comes into full play.

• First Position (Yourself): Sit in your chair and read the letter aloud to the imagined person. Speak directly to them, using their name, and maintain eye contact as if they were truly there. Allow your emotions to surface naturally.
• Second Position (The Other Person): When you’re finished, move to the empty chair. Take a moment to embody the person you’re addressing. Consider their perspective and how they might feel hearing your words. Respond to your original message, expressing thoughts and feelings as you imagine they would.
• Third Position (Yourself Again): Return to your original seat. Reflect on what “they” said. If necessary, continue the dialogue, expressing any additional thoughts or feelings that arise.

Gratitude Essential Reads

Giving Thanks in Turbulent Times

Is Your Partner Grateful? Why Gratitude Matters

This role-playing deepens the emotional experience and can lead to unexpected insights and resolutions.

5. Embrace Your Emotions.

Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up—warmth, sadness, joy, or even tears. This is a powerful moment, and it’s OK to experience it fully. Notice how your body responds as you speak, and let the emotions flow without judgment.

6. Reflect on the Experience.

After reading the letter and the rotating chairs, take a few moments to sit quietly and reflect. Ask yourself: How do I feel now compared to before the exercise? Did any new insights or feelings emerge? Do I feel a sense of closure or relief?

Embrace whatever feelings arise. Just sit with the experience till you are ready to leave it behind. Then, write down your reflections and feelings. This debriefing consolidates the experience and helps integrate it into your ongoing personal growth.

Final Thoughts

The virtual gratitude visit invites us to honor those who’ve made a difference, even when they’re not physically present. It’s a way to keep our hearts open, our memories alive, and our sense of gratitude thriving.

Why not give it a try? All you need is a little time, an open heart, and the willingness to speak your truth. You might just find that a virtual gratitude visit leaves you feeling more connected, uplifted, and at peace.