3 Types of Embarrassment and How to Deal with Them

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We’ve all felt the excruciating moment where everyone seems to be staring at us with disapproval, and we wish the earth would just swallow us up.

Embarrassment means feeling uncomfortably exposed to unwanted attention from others. When we’re embarrassed, we feel and show it in our bodies. We blush, fidget, laugh awkwardly, and cringe self-consciously.

We may also revisit those embarrassing moments in our minds. Even after they’ve passed, we wince inwardly, remembering how awkward those moments were, how uncomfortable we felt, and how we imagine others saw us.

Unfortunately, we can’t get rid of embarrassment, but we can learn how to manage it. Different types of embarrassment require different coping strategies.

1. Mistake-related embarrassment

Mistake-related embarrassment happens when we do something incompetent or something that doesn’t fit how we want to be seen. Maybe we spill a drink, stammer incoherently when someone asks us a question, or walk around with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of our shoe. We feel like everyone is judging us negatively. Maybe people actually do roll their eyes and laugh at us!

The best way to handle mistake-related embarrassment is to own your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, so they’re really not a big deal. If you make a mistake in front of other people, just say, “Oops!” and do what you can to make things right. Then, move on and put the mistake behind you. What’s done is done. We can only move forward.

What if someone keeps bringing up what you did wrong and teasing you about it? You could try agreeing with them in a neutral way. Admit the mistake without putting yourself down. You could say, “Yep, I made a mistake” or “Yeah, I should have done that differently.” “Uh-huh, I messed up.” These boring responses make it less likely that the teasing will continue.

2. Center-of-attention embarrassment

Center-of-attention embarrassment happens in situations when everyone is looking at us. It can happen when we have to perform in some way and worry that we might mess up, but it can even happen with positive attention, such as when friends are singing "Happy Birthday" to us. We feel awkward and self-conscious, not sure what to do, where to look, or what to do with our hands.

Often, the best way to handle center-of-attention embarrassment is to get lots of practice so we get used to it. The first presentation might feel hard, but after you’ve done a bunch of them, they’re no big deal.

To ease your tension, you can consciously try to relax your body, slow your breathing, and soften the muscles of your face. It might also help to remind yourself that your moment in the spotlight is usually brief. So you just have to be brave for a little bit.

3. Compliment-related embarrassment

Compliment-related embarrassment happens when we feel awkward because someone is praising us. It might be tempting to argue with the compliment-giver, saying, “Oh, it wasn’t that good! Anyone could have done it! She does it better!” But arguing about a compliment insults the other person’s taste or opinion!

Compliment-related embarrassment is the easiest kind to deal with. A compliment is like a little gift. The correct response is just to smile and say, “Thank you!”

Embarrassment is uncomfortable, but it's not dangerous. It's not actually possible to die of embarrassment! Embarrassment is a sign that you care about doing things right and feeling part of a group. Coping with embarrassment involves learning to tolerate and accept those moments when we feel self-conscious, forgiving ourselves, and moving forward in positive ways.