Sometimes stuck is a matter of being between an uncomfortable yet well-known, rock and a possibly wonderful, yet unknown, hard place. The devil you know? Or the one you haven't met?
This go-or-no-go dilemma is what vexes so many stuck people. Often, they complicate the matter by only seeing the black part of the problem, or the white. They focus on the either/or.
And they overlook the delicious middle. The scrumptious gray way, which is often the best path out of the stuck place.
I have a wonderful friend - let's call her Annie - who figured a gray way to test getting back into the workforce.
Annie's so smart, so kind, so insightful. Upon graduation from an Ivy League university, she was immediately snapped up by a large consulting firm where she worked for nearly 15 years. Until the firm decided to drop her entire division. She got a handsome severance which allowed her to stay at home with her toddler and - happily - get pregnant again. She spent the next 12 years as a involved, active at-home mom.
Now, I'll be honest with you. Annie could be a Member of Congress. A CEO. A highly-compensated consultant. She's just that good. But she chose to be a full-time parent and she's been really good at that, too. And when her children became teenagers, she began to consider going back to work.
There were a lot of "shoulds" at play:
- "I should use my Ivy League education."
- "I should live up to my potential."
- "I should make at least six figures."
- "I should keep my children a priority."
Shoulds are such pernicious beasts. Whenever we tell ourselves "I should" we're often listening to old messages received from family or the media. Or alumni bulletins. Sometimes we're telling ourselves the exact opposite of what our heart wants. Annie's last should on the list, "I should keep my children a priority," revealed the desire of her heart, so she knew what kind of job she wanted to try.
Not a full-time, committed job - like her previous consulting gig - but more than a hobby - like tatting doilies to sell at the local flea market. She needed a hybrid of the two so she could fairly test whether work could be configured to support her parenting priority.
So she got a job in a high-end retail chain store. Her husband called this position her "jobby."
Which could be construed as belittling, if you want to see it that way. But when you think about it, there's a lot to be said for a jobby.
First, you get to test and try, and see what fits.
Second, your work fits in with the realities of your life, and can serve your priorities, not your shoulds.
Third, it's the perfect antidote to society's relentless all-in, no-pain-no-gain, Texas Hold 'em sort of anxious striving.
Annie can say, "I have a job that gives me what I want in the parameters I've set for myself." Kinda peaceful, that statement, huh? How would you like to be able to say that?
If you're stuck in your work and suffering with shoulds and expectations, give a jobby a go. It's a little bigger than a hobby, a little smaller than a job. Who knows? Could be exactly right for you.
