Show Me the Money: 6 Mistakes Couples Make

Money is one of the most common sources of conflict for couples. A recent poll suggested that nearly three-quarters of people said money caused stress in their relationship. Below are six common mistakes couples make when it comes to finances, and what you can do to avoid them.

1. Couples Don’t Talk About Money

It’s understandable that talking about money can be uncomfortable. Many couples avoid it altogether, hoping that silence will smooth over the tension. But avoiding the conversation is a big red flag. Failing to discuss finances causes more conflicts than it avoids and often breeds future problems.

In fact, leading divorce attorneys often cite money disagreements as the second most common cause of divorce, right after infidelity. How you and your partner handle money is a clear reflection of how you handle challenges together.

What to do instead: Start small. Schedule a time—just as you would for an important meeting or exercise class—and commit to sitting down and talking about finances. Have this conversation regularly, whether weekly or monthly. By consistently addressing the topic, you’ll avoid bigger problems down the road.

2. Couples Don’t Acknowledge Money Is Emotional

Too often, couples think that a spreadsheet is all they need to solve money issues. They assume it’s just a matter of balancing numbers. But the truth is, money is emotional. Many of our financial habits stem from our upbringing and background, which often shapes our attitudes toward spending, saving, and debt.

Whether you grew up in a household where money was tight or where spending freely was the norm, these experiences influence how you approach finances today. Ignoring the emotional aspect of money means ignoring a big part of what makes you and your partner tick.

What to do instead: Have an open conversation about how each of you was raised and how you’ve come to think about money. You both bring "baggage"—splurged or saved or somewhere in between. Acknowledge that. It will deepen your understanding of each other and prevent misunderstandings in the future.

3. Couples Don’t Know Their Numbers

Even when couples talk about money, many fail to bring the actual numbers to the table. It’s impossible to have a meaningful conversation about finances if neither of you knows your income, spending, debt, or savings. Financial expert Ramit Sethi says that around 50% of people don’t know their household income, and 90% have no clear idea of how much debt they’re in.

People avoid the hard facts because facing them can be embarrassing or painful. But staying in the dark only makes things worse in the long run. If it turns out your partner earns more than you, so be it.

What to do instead: Gather all the relevant numbers—your income, expenses, debt, savings, and credit card balances—and share them with your partner. Knowing the full picture is the only way to make informed decisions. Be honest, even if it’s uncomfortable.

4. Partners Don’t Express What They Really Want

Many people avoid being honest about their financial goals and desires because they fear judgment. One person might want to save aggressively for the future, while the other might want to spend on travel or experiences. The fear of being labeled “boring” or “reckless” leads to silence, and silence breeds resentment.

Over time, this lack of communication creates an unspoken tension. Maybe you assume you know what the other person wants, but if you’ve never actually had the conversation, you may well be wrong.

What to do instead: Be clear about what you want—whether it’s saving for a home, traveling more, or setting money aside for a rainy day. Your partner might surprise you with their flexibility. If you don’t talk about your priorities, you miss the opportunity to compromise and work toward a shared future.

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5. Couples Don’t Set Shared Goals Together

Often, one partner takes control of managing the finances, leaving the other in the dark. Or, couples avoid discussing money altogether because they feel their financial situations are too different to reconcile.

Having shared goals doesn’t mean having joint bank accounts or splitting everything 50/50. It means having an agreed sense of where you want to go financially, whether you work in a hospital or a hedge fund. And it might even mean you keep some finances separate - that’s for both of you to decide.

What to do instead: Sit down and establish shared financial goals. You might decide to split expenses based on percentages rather than a strict 50/50 split, especially if your incomes are different. Having shared goals means aligning on long-term plans while allowing room for individual priorities.

6. Couples Don’t Realize That Money Conversations Are Hard (And That’s OK)

Money is hard enough to manage on our own, let alone in a couple. The added complexity of another person’s habits, preferences and emotions, make it one of the toughest topics to manage within a relationship. Many couples mistakenly believe that if the relationship is strong, everything will fall into place, including the financials. But the reality is that managing money takes hard work and constant adjustment, just like every other part of a relationship.

What to do instead: Acknowledge that the conversation will be tough and that it won’t always go smoothly. Compromise and understanding are key. Big decisions like clearing debt, putting money into a college fund, or buying your first house all require a mature approach. Avoiding these conversations is not an option if you want to build a solid future together.

The Bottom Line

By tackling these six common financial mistakes, you’ll open up regular, honest conversations with your partner about money. You’ll get to know each other better, learn to compromise, and create a financial plan that reflects both your needs and priorities. In the end, it’s not just about balancing the books—it’s about building a relationship founded on trust, transparency, and mutual respect. That takes effort, but it’s a good return on investment.