Life Hacks for Finding Joy in the Empty Nest

Source: Photo courtesy of Aamir Suhail (Unsplash)

I've found myself recently looking back upon the years of raising my kids, realizing the tremendous privilege and Herculean effort it was. It has been tempting to reside in the feeling of emptiness from time to time as I walk past my daughter's empty room and recall the years spent pouring life into the memories that arise with each trinket on her dresser and photo on the wall. As our son (the last kid) gets ready to leave the nest, I catch myself toggling back and forth between identities, wondering, Who am I now?

Navigating the space of the empty nest can be an emotional one, but it also offers the chance to usher in a new and exciting life chapter, centered around self-care and holistic connection. These habits can be helpful tools in the creation of this "new normal" of life's next chapter.

Live with intention

It's not uncommon for parents to put their own needs or interests on the back burner while raising a family. As our kids begin to leave the nest, it provides an exciting opportunity to reclaim our own interests, passions and desires. The second half of life opens up a unique opportunity to begin living a life of integrity and intention, driven by the wisdom of our many hard-won life experiences.

Living with intention might look like taking on a passion project, joining a community of like-minded people or beginning a creative pursuit. It might involve spending more time with friends or loved ones or rekindling old meaningful relationships. As we begin to look back and acknowledge the preciousness of time, we can start making decisions about how we really want to spend it.

Build habits that are energizing and life-giving

Raising children takes a lot of physical, emotional and spiritual energy, and it's important to begin taking steps toward making our own needs a priority in the second half of life. As the hustle and bustle of young family life morphs into more of an ebb and flow, we're freed up to begin making choices about the habits that define our lives.

Building healthy habits (and sticking to them) is a critical part of navigating the second half of life, as we start to realize that healthy living can require a bit more effort than in our "pre-kid" past. These habits could be something like joining a gym or yoga studio, engaging in volunteer work, taking up a new hobby or becoming part of a local co-op. They could include taking cooking or art classes, hooking up with a community center or joining a pickleball league. Whatever these habits are, they need to be energizing and life-giving.

Nurture strong, meaningful relationships

It's true that relationships are the backbone of our existence, and life transitions are times when they are the most important. I recently spent the weekend with my college roommates and it felt like a balm to the soul! Our relationships tell the multifaceted story of our lives and the various trajectories they've taken. Good friendships that have stood the test of time are worthy of nurturing and tending to, as we begin to appreciate that time, connection and life experiences truly are priceless gifts.

The second half of life should be a time of savoring, kind of like a delicious meal. When we truly understand the preciousness of time, we can spend less of it striving for some lofty goal and more of it appreciating the people in our lives that we love.

Learn to set boundaries to protect your energy

Emmy-winning television journalist Tamsen Fadal, author of the new book How to Menopause states that many "women spend their 20s, 30s, and 40s trying to please everyone, afraid of making waves, worried that if they don’t say yes to every PTA meeting, work project, or dinner invitation that they’ll disappoint their friends, family, or boss. But there comes a moment midway through life when we have that glorious realization, Hey, what about me?"₁ She goes on to point out that "If you don’t get clear on what you will and will not do, and then communicate and maintain those limits, you will spend too much of your precious time and energy on things that aren’t yours to carry."

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By the time we hit the empty nest phase, we have the opportunity to determine what is okay and what is not okay in regard to our relationships, how we choose to spend our time, and what our priorities will be. Because many of us find our energy reserves changing as we hit menopause, boundaries become essential to our happiness and well-being.

Seek joy in the present moment

There is an art to aging gracefully, and from what I have witnessed in those who appear to do it well, they have learned to embrace the reality of change and the art of letting go. The rise in mindfulness practices such as yoga, tai chi and meditation all serve as embodied reminders to savor and zone in on the present moment, releasing concerns about the past or worries about the future.

The art of moving through the empty nest and finding happiness requires that we begin to truly appreciate the things in our lives that we have worked so hard to cultivate while tending to the stirrings of our heart and soul. By midlife, it's likely we've already experienced a significant amount of grief and loss, and we know that these are inseparable aspects of living a full life. That's why seizing the present moment and living a life of purpose and meaning becomes crucial in these years.

Maintain an adventurous heart and love of lifelong learning

I've always maintained that adventure is a mindset, fueled by an appetite for learning about the world around us. Aging and the losses that accompany it can sometimes be heart-wrenching and brutal, but the natural world serves to remind us that there is always beauty to be found.

Authors Gillian McCann, Ph.D., and Gitte Bechsgaard share that "Attitude has a great deal to do with how we manage the midlife passage. If we cling to old patterns and ways of being, it will be a very challenging time, but viewing it as a new chapter and new adventure can help."₂ Similarly, McCann and Bechsgaard suggest that "we periodically need to be remove ourselves from our from our day-to-day lives in order to give ourselves the gift of time to reconnect with the larger and deeper aspects of life."₃ When we take the time to learn and explore beyond our day-to-day expectations, "a sense of perspective is often available almost immediately. This often happens on a trip where we suddenly can see clearly all the energy we have been pouring into worrying over unimportant situations."₄

Reconnecting with the big, beautiful world around us helps to bring home the fact that we're a part of something larger, deeper and richer. It's truly a gift to be able to step back and take our place in the world with a new perspective, with the hard-won life experiences we have learned. Finding joy in the empty nest involves not only a letting go, but a trust in the universe that expands beyond the confines of our prior belief systems into the great unknown.