Psychosis
From Misdiagnosis to Psychosis and Recovery
Interview with author, rapper, public speaker Rx Mundi (Rohan Sharma)
Posted March 3, 2022 Reviewed by Kaja Perina
I had the pleasure of speaking with Rohan Sharma, a/k/a Rx Mundi of Philadelphia, who is a public speaker, musician, published author, mental health advocate, and bipolar patient. We discussed his journey from misdiagnosis to psychosis to public speaking and poetry.
ML: Rohan, you were a medical student at Drexel University College of Medicine. When did your Bipolar first manifest?
RS: I had my first manic psychotic episode in medical school, but my symptoms began much earlier in middle school. My mood became very unstable. My eyes would water uncontrollably and the next class, I’d laugh hysterically. I didn’t know a mood disorder was a real thing. It didn’t occur to me that these things weren’t normal. I actually had delusions beginning in middle school that got worse over time. I thought my radio was speaking to me. I would swear people were reading my thoughts. I found out later that these are delusions common to bipolar. I didn’t speak up and get help earlier.
ML: That’s really young.
RS: Yeah, and I heard these mental illnesses often peak in early-20s, but my symptoms actually began in 7th grade.
ML: If you were having the symptoms as early as middle school, when were you diagnosed?
RS: I was first diagnosed in medical school, but I had a manic episode before my junior year of college. I was very stressed, and I attempted to take my life by jumping out of a moving car. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar type I four months into my first year of medical school.
Honesty with a mental health professional is key to getting the correct diagnosis and treatment
ML: The misdiagnosis was anxiety and depression, when actually you had bipolar type I.
RS: When I saw the school psychiatrist, I wasn’t fully honest with her. When she asked me questions point blank if it felt like my radio was talking to me and people could read my thoughts, I thought she was reading my thoughts. I didn’t know these were common delusions.
ML: So her questions being that pointed actually scared you?
RS: Yeah, I was scared if I admitted that was going on, I’d be locked away in some mental institution for the rest of my life, so I lied to her. That led to being diagnosed with just depression. I was prescribed antidepressants. With bipolar, not getting the mood stabilizer in conjunction, it can address the depression but it can raise the manic state even higher, which is what happened to me.
ML: I had originally been prescribed an antidepressant alone and I remember having two piña coladas with my cousin and I couldn’t get out of bed for twelve hours the next day.
RS: In my case it was an upward spiral of full blown mania.
Personal experience of racing thoughts and disorganized thinking
ML: Describe mania for you. It’s one thing to read about racing thoughts and disorganized thinking.
RS: It was a combination of reckless behavior, racing thoughts, and not sleeping. For about a month straight I had barely any sleep whatsoever. It was total chaos. I couldn’t study or focus, which caused to more stress, which led to more mania. I went to the gym at 3:00am on no sleep for days and I could lift more weight than I ever could in my life. My room was a complete mess. I went four days with no sleep at all. I attempted to dissect my own neck. I purchased a firearm and attempted an armed robbery. Subsequently, I was locked up. It manifests differently for everyone.
ML: Your memoir has got to be chock full of trigger warnings.
RS: In hindsight, things started to make a lot more sense.
ML: At what point were you honest with the psychiatrist?
RS: The psychiatrist in jail. I had nothing to lose. She said it was a really easy diagnosis. She’d seen it happen before. It was like I’d been wearing a mask my whole life and it was only after getting locked up that the mask came down and I got real help.
ML: Real help took the form of what?
RS: Trying different medications like mood stabilizers. Even when I was out on bail, I was still engaged in destructive behavior. I’d just been expelled from medical school. Everything I’d worked so hard for went out the window. The real start of my recovery was taking a plea bargain for 23 months in county jail. That’s when I got to sit with myself and my thoughts. My mom sent me a variety of self-help books that helped me discover who I truly was and get help for my issues. I credit the books and meds to start my transformation.
ML: When they get that mix right, it’s a safety net.
RS: For sure. Even my first year out of jail, I had upwards of six psychiatric hospitalizations. It was a much longer process, but I’m very happy to be where I’m at now.
ML: Let’s get to the fun stuff. Your website mentions that you discovered your passion for poetry and rap. What led to the discovery and what do poetry and rap do for your mental health?
RS: My cellmate rapped. His were really good. The day he left for a hospital program and I was alone in the cell, all these rhymes came to me and I had to jot them down. I started spitting them for other inmates and discovered I had a talent for it. It’s an instrumental way for expressing myself. Throughout my childhood, I kept things bottled up and it wasn’t healthy. I channel whatever emotions I’m feeling and it’s a creative outlet for me. It’s a lot of fun.
Medication can open the channels for creative expression
ML: We’ve heard over the decades about the connection between mental instability and creativity. Now that you’ve got your meds and you’re stabilized, it hasn’t blocked your creative channel; it seems to have cleared it open.
RS: That’s an interesting point. For the longest time, I would resist taking my medications, which led to the many hospitalizations, because I thought it stifled my creativity. About a year ago, I realized when I was compliant with my medication, some of the best verses I’d ever written had come to me.
ML: You not only wrote a memoir called A Very Thin Line, you’re also speaking publicly about your experience. Why talk about it and what do you hope readers will take away from your story?
RS: It was a lot of shame around what happened. When I talk about my story, it lessens that shame, and I hope to inspire others to get the help they need. I’m very grateful for what I’ve been through, but it’s not the path for everybody. Hopefully, others won’t have to go down the same road.
ML: There’s no shame in being sick. Internalizing stigma doesn’t help. When we stop stigmatizing ourselves, we get those breakthroughs and we don’t give up.
RS: Denial played a big role. It’s therapeutic for me to share my story.
ML: Why focus on youth?
RS: That’s when my symptoms began. No one came to speak at my school saying here’s what I’ve been through; here’s what to look out for. Maybe I can be a speaker for somebody else, for some kid who’s white-knuckling it trying to keep it together. My main message is reaching out for help is a sign of strength. I hope I can inspire others to be more comfortable with themselves and not denying any part of themselves.
ML: It reminds me of a chain link fence. If you don’t make that connection with the next link in the chain, then you are the weak link. But once that connection is made, you draw on each other’s strength.
RS: It’s like invalidating the stepping stone you’re on now. You can’t reach the next stepping stone if you invalidate where you’re at now. A chapter in my memoir is about self-acceptance.
ML: It feels good to say, ‘I count.’ I appreciate your time and tireless advocacy efforts. Where can readers find out more about what you’re doing and connect with you?
Look for Rohan’s music and goings-on at https://www.rxmundi.com.
