Stress
Stress Is Touching Every Area of My Life
I finally connected the dots.
Posted April 25, 2021 Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
I’ve been on oral steroids for my now designated as severe and persistent asthma for over two months. They’re making me insane. Mood swings, racing thoughts, insomnia and I’m eating non-stop. Luckily, I don’t keep junk food in the house. Except I’ve found these outrageous 100-calorie frozen yogurt bars to which I’ve become addicted. But they are wickedly expensive.
Anyway, I digress. See what I’m talking about? I was up for hours early this morning, while most of the world was sleeping. I was working on a concept for a YouTube channel. Now, it’s 8:30 a.m. and I can barely keep my eyes open. It doesn’t help that my rescue dog Shelby is conked out next to me and snoring like she has sleep apnea. I’m jealous.
I finally made the connection — better late than never, as they say — that this latest flare of asthma that won’t seem to calm down started as I began looking for a new job. It was time. The situation had become untenable. Right after I started searching, I fell and fractured my wrist. Due to my osteoporosis, healing has been slow. I’m getting specialized hand and wrist occupational therapy and both the therapist and the orthopedist are pleased with my progress.
My post last week was about anticipatory anxiety. I was waiting for an answer about acceptance to a mental health start-up boot camp. I was accepted, by the way! But I’m still having a lot of anxiety about the job search. Will I get an interview? Will I get the job? And the process is dragging out.
Every time I even think about it, I feel as though I’m on the verge of a panic attack. What does the job pay? Will I be able to support myself (and Shelby)? What kind of insurance do they have? I’m starting to hyperventilate as I write this and have to calm myself down with deep breathing. My favorite way is with a GIF that has a dot that gets larger and smaller and I follow it with my breath.
That’s actually my second favorite way to ease my anxiety. My first favorite way is to play with my rescue dog Shelby.
She loves a good belly rub and is so appreciative. And I love giving her one. But if I’m outside my apartment, she’s not always available. I can access the GIF on my phone.
I realize in a couple of months, a lot of these questions will be resolved. I hope I get the resolution I’m looking for. I’m not one-hundred percent sure I’m correct about the connection between the severe uptick in my asthma symptoms and my stress and I’m not one-hundred percent sure when everything settles down, my asthma will settle down. I hope I can get off these damn steroids once and for all.
At the beginning of the year, when I had a check-in with my former psychiatrist Dr. Lev, she was concerned about me becoming steroid-dependent. I hope that has not become the case. Only time will tell as I try to taper down and off. Again.
Maybe, without the stressful environment as the backdrop.
One day at a time. I hate to say it, but back to my father when I was 13 and his AA platitudes. They’ve been around forever for a reason.
Thanks for reading.
Andrea
