How People Become Brainwashed Without Realizing It

Brainwashing doesn’t always look dramatic; it often employs subtle tactics to bypass critical thinking and reshape beliefs and identities. Indeed, various models have been proposed over the years to describe it. While the term is often vaguely defined or poorly understood, I frequently opt for its usage to educate and to lead the discussion toward understanding the systematic social influence process in a legal context.

Undue influence is a specific legal term. It describes a process in which one person takes a position of influence and power over another so much that the influencee can no longer exercise free will. Cult experts also use this term to describe the process of influence that cults aggressively wield over those they indoctrinate and recruit. This manipulation can occur in various contexts, including therapeutic relationships, workplaces, religious groups, and political movements.

My experience with the Moonies cult in the 1970s was the precursor to a lifetime of furthering my understanding of what happened during those years.

The Journey to Awareness

“Steve, it’s a cult. You’re being brainwashed.”

I knew I wasn’t being brainwashed because I wasn’t unintelligent. I had been brought up well, was well educated, and was working towards the most important mission on the planet. I was surrounded by messages that were telling me so every day.

So, what does this mean for deconstructing whether you have been destructively influenced? The first step to reality-testing your beliefs is healthy distance. High-control groups rely on constant reinforcement through propaganda.

Creating distance—such as taking a week-long “digital detox” or vacation—allows for reflection and critical evaluation of beliefs. Unfortunately for me, this took the form of a traumatic car accident, leading to my family staging a deprogramming effort to save me.

The Role of Education in Breaking Free

“How would you feel if it was your son who met a controversial group, dropped out of college, quit his job, donated his bank account, and disappeared from your life? How would you feel?”

My father cried openly to me. It touched my heart, even though I was still indoctrinated. He and I made a deal. He asked me to stay with him for five days, learn about brainwashing, and talk to ex-members. I, fanatical and confident, agreed, confident that he was evil.

“Crush Satan, crush Satan, glory to heaven…” I mentally chanted. I didn’t understand that what I was doing was thought-stopping, a technique I had been taught to suppress critical thought.

To truly understand what you may be experiencing and reality-test it, education in brainwashing and the major models is key. Start by reading about Chinese Communist brainwashing and understanding the key points. Understanding thought reform will expose you to new ways of understand your experiences.

After these events in my youth, I was driven to seek out the academics and scholars who developed these models. Standing on the shoulders of giants, I developed the BITE Model, which is presently used to evaluate the destructive (or constructive) qualities of a cult or to identify undue influence:

Behavior Control: Your actions, environments, and routines are strictly dictated.
Information Control: The flow of free, accurate information is restricted to influence perception.
Thought Control: Techniques like loaded language or thought-stopping are used to suppress dissent.
Emotional Control: Guilt, fear, or other emotions are manipulated to ensure obedience.

However, learning that the Moonies were using Chinese Communist brainwashing techniques was not enough for me to leave. I needed to engage with people who had been on the inside, seen what I had seen, and chosen to leave.

Learning From Ex-Members

“What a liar,” I thought.

For the first time in over two years of devotion, I had a negative thought about Sun Myung Moon, the leader of the Moonies. I had been indoctrinated to believe he was infallible and the greatest man in human history.

The deprogrammers had asked me to read one of Moon’s speeches. In the speech, Moon declared he loved and respected Americans, that he was surprised to be accused of brainwashing. But I had heard him say a myriad of times that Americans were stupid and needed “heavenly brainwashing.” I was disgusted. My beliefs were like a house of cards that were collapsing.

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Engaging with critics or ex-members provides these valuable insights. High-control groups discourage this as former members can shed light on the group’s inconsistencies and manipulative practices. I began suddenly unraveling the indoctrination after recognizing these contradictions in Sun Myung Moon’s public and private statements.

Seek evidence that challenges the group’s beliefs or practices. Are leaders consistent in their words and actions?

Rediscovering Your Core Values and Identity

“Hey Steve, you should think about what country you want to run when we take over the world.”

Before I got involved with the Moonies, I was not interested in politics, much less running a Moonie-controlled country and becoming a leader within a cult. I was filling notebooks with poetry, attending college, and wanted to teach English. But during my involvement, I contemplated what the world would be like when everybody spoke Korean and what the planet would look like when we controlled the world.

Undue influence and cults create a dual identity: one aligned with the controlling system and another your authentic self. Reflect on whether your current beliefs align with your pre-existing values. Think over key experiences, and then ask yourself: “If I knew then what I know now, would I have ever gotten involved?”

Red Flags to Watch For

There are red flags you can watch for, both in yourself and others. Be on the lookout for drastic personality changes and new intolerance for alternative perspectives. New fears are also a key indicator, as cults and undue influence create phobias—often centered around fear of leaving the group due to severe consequences.

Breaking free from brainwashing requires courage and support. However, the best techniques for recognizing undue influence are nothing compared to a thorough education to prevent it from happening in the first place.

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