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Matt James Ph.D.


Jealous? It's Time to Take Action

Cleanse yourself of negative emotions before Valentine's Day.


According to the article, in three studies involving 130 people in long-term relationships, researchers found that to protect their own commitment to their partner, people would lash out at potential threats.

"Love, arguably the most positive of all human emotions, also comes with a dark side," researcher Jon Maner, a psychologist at Florida State University, told reporters at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

This got me thinking about a question a student asked in one of our online classes: what about jealousy? In Huna we teach Ho‘oku‘u, how to release anger, sadness, guilt, fear; and Ho'oponopono, the forgiveness process that allows us to become pono - right - with ourselves and others. But jealousy is a little different.

If you are angry, sad, fearful, guilty or don't believe in yourself, then you can practice Ho'oponopono to release and forgive yourself and others. But let's say you have done the release work and you are pono with yourself and others, but still feel jealousy.

Jealousy of course can go beyond love and relationships. You may be jealous of another person's health, or career, or money, or success, a feeling commonly called envy. Jealousy and envy come from you feeling you don't have the things you want to have. Someone else has it, you are ready for it, but you don't yet have it.

You can and should continue letting go of negative emotions. Ho'oponopono is not a one-time thing, but an ongoing process. However when it comes to jealousy and envy, you will not feel satisfied or fulfilled until you achieve that empowerment or excellence you see in others. So you need to do something to begin heading toward what you want.

I have a great friend who is extremely healthy, extremely fit, just a model of fitness. A few years ago I would look at him and say to myself, "If I had just kept in shape, if I had just kept on my fitness program...." As soon as I got on my health and fitness program, as soon as I began to take action, moving towards my goal, I no longer felt that envy. When it comes to personal fitness, I know I am not there yet, but I am satisfied. I am pono with who I am because I am moving toward my goal.

So when you think about creating long-lasting change in your life, ask yourself what it is you truly want, that inspires you, that brings you fulfillment, happiness and empowerment. Once you have let go or cleansed the negative emotions, (Noa in Hawaiian) it is time to Noho, to bring the energy down, let it dwell in you and move you along your path. When you do that, the jealousy and envy will be gone and you can become what it is you want to be in your life.

Got questions? Please respond here or contact me through my Facebook fan page or Twitter.



Matthew B. James, MA, Ph.D., is President of The Empowerment Partnership, where he serves as a master trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), a practical behavioral technology for helping people achieve their desired results in life. His new book, The Foundation of Huna: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times, details forgiveness and meditation techniques used in Hawaii for hundreds of years. He carries on the lineage of one of the last practicing kahuna of mental health and wellbeing.


About the Author

Matthew B. James, Ph.D., is the president of The Empowerment Partnership in Hawaii and the author of The Foundation of Huna: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times.