Cutting the Aka Connection II

Taking charge of the energy in relationships

Posted May 03, 2011

In response to the last post I was asked about whether two people can forgive each other nonverbally, without actually talking about what happened between them. I replied that since most of our communication is non-verbal, it is a definite sign that forgiveness is taking place when both people begin to act in a way that presupposes forgiveness.

It is important to remember, however, that ho'oponopono, the Hawaiian forgiveness process is a two-way process. One part of that process, cutting the aka connection, is something the individual can do to begin the forgiveness process and to bring new energy to all relationships.

Cutting the aka connection is a practice of regularly clearing out our preconceptions, which build up in relationships, and seeing the other person with a fresh perspective. Energetically it is similar to clearing out old files cluttering your computer that may overload it or cause it to crash.

Cutting the aka connection is important because we all create projections or archetypes of others in our minds. You can never truly know a person for who and what they really are, even the people you know intimately. Whatever you think they are, they are more than that. But by cutting the aka connection, you can intentionally clear out your own preconceptions. This allows you to become pono, to forgive the other person, to have the other person forgive you, and to begin a brand new connection.

When I hold group training programs, each night I practice cutting the aka connection to disconnect from the participants. I do this because I want them to stand in their own power. Otherwise, I won't see the transformation that's taken place each morning when the students return to class.

My wife and I also cut the aka connection between us on a regular basis. The instant that we disconnect, we think of each other, look at each other or touch each other to reestablish a connection.

Morrnah Simeona, a teacher of the ho'oponopono process to people in Hawai‘i and around the world, believed that you should cut the aka connection with everyone, regardless of who they are, regardless of how long you have been connected. She said, "If you've been in a marriage for 20 years and you haven't cut the aka connection, you should." Why? You create a new connection and therefore see the person for who they are, not who they've been. When you make a brand-new connection it will be just as strong, if not stronger, as the old one.

You also want to make sure you cut the aka connection with your children on a regular basis. Of course, there are times when you wouldn't want to cut the aka connection. A newborn child needs to retain a constant exchange of energy. But when children get to a certain age, you might want to do it every five minutes! When my daughter was only a week old, she kept me up for five days straight. I practiced ho'oponopono a lot in those hours! When your children have grown and left home, the process will allow you to reconnect with them as adults. You may still experience some empty nest pangs but the transition will be easier.

When you do this with a loved one who is not present with you, call them or think of them after you've cut the aka connection so you can reconnect. If they happen to be sensitive to energy, they might call you first. My mom has never done any of these trainings, but she's so intuitive that as soon as I cut my aka connection with her, she phones me and says, "Hi, sweetie. Just wanted to reconnect. Felt like we hadn't been in touch for awhile."

Beyond loved ones and those with whom we interact regularly, it's important to cut the aka connection with people in general. Since energy isn't positive or negative, you may wonder why you need to disconnect from people you don't know, passing strangers or slight acquaintances. There can be what we might label as negative consequences by remaining connected to any person or large group. By cutting the aka connection, you have the option to reestablish it with individuals you choose. This practice puts you in charge of your connections.

Morrnah Simeona also believed that when a person passes away, you should cut the aka connection immediately and make a new connection with the memories. When my grandmother passed away in 2002, I experienced a deep sadness and grief. I did the ho'oponopono process (when it felt appropriate to do so) to cut the aka connection, and then I reconnected with my fond memories of her. Cutting the aka connection doesn't make you emotionless, but allows your emotions at a time like that to be expressed in a more positive, appropriate way.

So now that you understand the importance of cutting the aka connection, how do we do it? It's not enough to just say, "Okay, I'm disconnecting from you." Cutting the aka connection is done within the process of ho'oponopono. And there is a lot more to say about that!

If you have questions, I would love to hear from you here or through my Facebook fan page.



Matthew B. James, MA, Ph.D., is President of Kona University and its training and seminar division The Empowerment Partnership, where he serves as a master trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), a practical behavioral technology for helping people achieve their desired results in life. His new book, The Foundation of Huna: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times, details forgiveness and meditation techniques used in Hawaii for hundreds of years. He carries on the lineage of one of the last practicing kahuna of mental health and wellbeing. To reach Dr. James, please e-mail him at