How to Create Your Best Good-Enough Day

Source: Psychology Today/AI Edited

In his book The Gay Science, the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche presents the notion of eternal recurrence: If you were to live your life over and over for eternity, with all its joys, struggles, and tedium, could you accept it? Would that be a good-enough life? What is powerful about this question is that it forces you to step back and take stock of your everyday life. Is it good enough?

For all too many of us, we never have the time to step back and take a day’s pulse. But when I ask my clients to do precisely that, their day generally runs around a five—not a disastrous 1 nor an ecstatic 10. It’s not bad; it’s not great. It’s neutral, a shade under good-enough, because nothing bad happened. And if I ask what fills their lives, it’s, like for many of us, routines, to-do lists, and have-tos. By the end of the day, they're worn out. There are 8 or 9 days reserved for vacations and weekends, but even these are often heavily scheduled, and any unexpected disruptions can quickly quash the anticipated good times.

But what if you were willing to take Nietzsche’s question to heart and use it as a guide to create the best, good-enough days you would be willing to live over and over? Here are some ways to experiment with this idea:

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Think about your ideal day

This is that classic question: If you had one day to live, what would you do besides saying goodbye to those you care about? Would you continue to go to work? Why? Would you go to some special place or do something with a special person? Why? Would you do something or experience something that has always been on your bucket list—skydive, conduct an orchestra, hang out with your family, or maybe have the greatest meal of your life?

What’s valuable about thinking this through is that it gives you a clue about what’s important and what’s most missing in your life. Even if what you desire seems out of reach—the travel, the experience—what is at its core that you need? Is it excitement, intimacy, novelty, or appreciation?

On your average good day now, notice what the best elements are

Going out to lunch with a colleague at work; reading bedtime stories to your son; or talking over dinner with your partner about your day. Maybe it’s the relaxation, quiet, and you-time you get from a hot bath at the end of the day.

This is a variation of the previous question, one that may tell you not what is missing but what you consider most important to keep.

Act on your preferences

Talking about preferences is to acknowledge two overlapping ideas: one concerns choices, the choices we make throughout the day that shape what unfolds (even following our routines is a choice). The other idea is that we can use our emotions as information—what we want or don’t want, what we prefer or desire, no matter how small. For example, we might want something different for lunch, or a change in our post-dinner routine with our family. Acting on your preferences starts with slowing down, stepping back, and asking yourself what your feelings and gut are telling you right now. Whatever comes to mind, go with it, no matter how minor it seems.

Change your perspective

Asking people with depression to write down what they appreciate and are grateful for, no matter how small, has been shown to reduce feelings of depression. By shifting their perspective, they rewire their brains and improve their mood.

The same can work for you, especially if your behavioral choices throughout the day are limited for good reasons. Replace bold actions with subtle shifts in attitude and attention—notice the beauty of a sunset or the kindness of a stranger. If what you expect you will always find, and if what you think about you will become, experiment with changing your expectations and thoughts to see what happens.

The theme is that moving intentionally from action to action, choosing what you give your attention to, and using your emotions as a guide — rather than the shoulds, the have-tos, or unconscious behaviors — are the keys to creating a good-enough everyday life, one you’re willing to repeat.

Ready to give it a try?

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