Anxiety
6 Common Drivers That May Be Running and Ruining Your Life
Six common life challenges and how to put them to rest.
Posted April 27, 2025 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Key points
- Many of us are driven by core emotions—anxiety, depression, anger, passions—that control our lives.
- The key to resolving these drivers is identifying them and their triggers, and replacing them with values.
- Support and guidance are important in the form of therapy, medication, support groups, and coaching.
Life presents challenges, but not all challenges are created equally. For many of us, our lives revolve around one or two core issues that taint and shape our everyday experiences. Here are six of the most common ones, stemming from childhood coping mechanisms and environments, along with the impact each one has. Consider what may apply to you.
#1: Anxiety
You constantly worry about something—whatever that may be—always focused on the future. That’s the nature of anxiety: a life filled with what-ifs and looking around corners. By continually concentrating on the future, you not only fail to fully live in or appreciate the present—the right now—but anxiety also amplifies the importance of every decision. What you prepare for dinner feels just as significant as whether you should seek another job or end your relationship, leaving you feeling overwhelmed.
#2: Depression
Anxiety and depression are often emotionally joined at the hip, one paired with the other. But while anxiety concerns the future, depression frequently reflects on the past. While anxiety relates to feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, depression is characterized by a sense of apathy, encapsulated in thoughts like, "Why bother? It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to change."
#3: Anger
While anxiety creates an overwhelming world and depression creates a gray world, anger creates a black-and-white, threatening world. There are victims and perpetrators, winners and losers, an abundance of blame to distribute, and often little trust, connection, or intimacy.
#4: Addiction
Addictions, regardless of their nature, become the control center of your life. They constrict your life to the extent that you have no life beyond your addiction, as everything revolves around it.
#5: Shoulds
Those driven by shoulds—rules inherited from parents and authorities—seem to distance themselves from, and rise above, the emotional muck of other drivers; however, they often share the same preoccupation or constraint. Shoulds encapsulate anxiety and, like anger, can create a black-and-white world. The penalty for not following the rules is guilt and self-flagellation.
#6: Passion
Passion, too, seems to be a step up and away; we associate it with excitement and the joy of living. However, those who are primarily driven by passion can become hyper-focused, impulsive, or appear one-dimensional. Their passion can ultimately lead to burnout or a scattered life as they shift to the latest focus.
In varying degrees, many of us have a primary driver, one that we are most vulnerable to, and a secondary one that emerges when life becomes more difficult. You may experience a baseline of low-grade anxiety or depression that fluctuates depending on the stress in your life, but if the stress intensifies or some trauma occurs, you may revert to your backup—your old addiction, or you may become irritable or angry. Regardless of how severe your drivers may be, the path is the same.
Here is how to begin putting your problem to rest.
Identify the pattern
The starting point for solving any problem is identifying the problem. Here, you want to step back 10 feet from your life and define your primary and secondary drivers. Instead of getting lost in the details of today’s situation, look for patterns: What emotions tend to shape your world and outlook? If things get bad, what are you likely to do next?
Identify your triggers
Are there certain situations that make you more vulnerable? What triggers the shopping, the porn, or bouts of depression or anxiety? By identifying the triggers—work stress or arguments with your partner—you can tackle them directly. On the other side of the equation, knowing your triggers can help you be preventive. If you know you’re stressed at work or going through a rough patch with your partner, you can be preventive and proactive: it’s time to stay off shopping websites or away from the liquor cabinet; it’s time to increase your exercise.
Define your values
Values involve deciding how to navigate your life and what matters most—your response to the ultimate question of what type of person you aspire to be. Clear values not only serve as a psychological antidote to the internal tug-of-war between shoulds and passions, but they also provide a strong foundation of purpose and direction that you can rely on when anxiety, depression, and anger arise. By defining the person you want to become and setting a clear goal, you are less likely to stray from your path.
Get help
Awareness will only take you so far. Here, you might consider seeking counseling, medication management, coaching, or a support group to learn skills, keep you from falling back into a hole, or help break the cycle. The means don’t matter; you may have to explore several options to find what suits you best. The challenge is to stay committed and focused on the goal.
So what are your drivers? What problems do you need to tackle that you’ve been avoiding? What kind of support do you need to be successful?
Can you start now?
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
