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Key points
- Cravings are generally set off by visual and emotional triggers.
- The key to controlling cravings is a two-part plan: knowing your triggers and having a substitute plan in advance to replace the old habits.
- Overcoming cravings is about rewiring your brain by behaviorally responding differently. You need both practice and patience.
Cravings are those sudden strong urges for a cigarette, a drink, to binge, to cut, for porn, to shop, etc. For some, these are part and parcel of a physiological addiction that often requires medical attention. But what we’re talking about here are those cravings that come and go and are usually triggered by some form of stress—anger, anxiety—or are mentally coupled with strong habit patterns: The martini is the reward for that hard day's work or mental entertainment when you are bored or lonely. If you are trying to conquer your cravings, want to run less on autopilot, and have more control of your behaviors and life, the solution is in two parts: developing a plan in advance and implementing it when those urges rear up. Here’s how to get started.
Part 1: Create a plan
Have substitutes. Conquering cravings isn’t about white-knuckle willpower but having a replacement behavior at the ready to take its place. Some form of aerobic exercise is always good. This could include a brisk walk after work, planning and mindfully cooking dinner instead of going to the computer, listening to a meditation app for 20 minutes instead of getting a drink, or taking a hot bath. You could listen to your favorite music, catch up on the phone with a friend, or simply write down how you feel for 10 minutes. You want something that makes you mindful, gets out the tension, or provides comfort and care.
Know your sensory triggers. Situations and senses trigger cravings. Seeing the computer on the kitchen counter can trigger shopping or porn, junk food on top of the refrigerator could trigger binging, feeling the pack of cigarettes in your pocket could lead to smoking, and seeing the liquor cabinet or going out with friends who are drinking could lead to you drinking. By knowing in advance what you are particularly susceptible to, you can work around those triggers—keep the computer out of sight, move the liquor, keep your cigarettes in the glove compartment of your car, or have a wingman to help you not overdrink with friends.
Know and track your emotional triggers. Know when you’re vulnerable and again what you're particularly sensitive to. Here we can think of Alcohol Anonymous’ use of HALTS—hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed. These common emotional triggers can set off a craving, but you want to track your emotional state and know when you’re vulnerable.
Here you check in with yourself at 3 p.m., not when you hit the front door at 6 and are already shaky. Wake up, didn’t sleep well, and already on edge? Maybe this is one of those days that you need to be careful. Post your substitution list on your refrigerator so you can use it when you need first aid.
Part 2: First aid
This brings us to first aid, where you’ve just gotten a text on the way home from work with your boss criticizing your work, or you had an argument with your mother, or you're missing your boyfriend. Your head automatically goes towards your bad habits.
Take a few deep breaths. This can physiologically help you settle. Know that most cravings last from a few minutes to about 20 to 30 minutes, and then subside. You need to settle and get through the next minutes.
Ask yourself how you’re feeling, and what you need. Your emotional brain has taken over, galloping toward the cravings. By asking how you feel and what you need, you're bringing your rational brain back online. Look at your substitution list. Pick something that calls to you.
Do the substitution. Take that hot bath or shower, that walk around the block, call a friend, or listen to music. Your head may still race; that’s OK; it takes a few minutes for your brain and emotions to calm down. Be mindful, and keep taking deep breaths. The problem that might have triggered all this is not now the issue—you can deal with it later. Now it is about emotional regulation and taking care of yourself.
Pat yourself on the back; solve the problem. Once you’ve calmed down, it’s time to give kudos where kudos are due. Pat yourself on the back, say to yourself you did a great job, pushed back the dragon, high fives all around. Next, when you are ready, tackle the problem—the text, the phone call from your mother. Take your time, but do circle back. This is about proactively putting problems to rest. If you just avoid them and sweep them under the rug, they will likely keep coming up.
All this is about rewiring your brain and creating new neurological circuits in your brain to replace old ones. Because this doesn’t happen overnight, you’ll need to be patient and practice. But if you do, change will come. In your downtime, you can speed up the process by envisioning your life without these monkeys on your back. This will stimulate unconscious healing.
If you need support along the way, get it. There are plenty of online support groups for most cravings, and therapy, even short-term, can help with skills and accountability. With skills, practice, and patience, you can learn to keep those cravings at bay.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Taibbi, R. (2013). Boot camp therapy: Action-oriented treatment of anxiety, anger, & depression. New York: Norton.
