The Year-End Relationship Check-In

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As the new year approaches, it is a wonderful time to reflect on your relationship, celebrate your personal and relationship successes, and set goals with your partner so that you can continue to enhance your connection. I encourage many couples I work with to have regular relationship check-ins, to revisit how they have supported one another at regular intervals throughout the year, and to devise a plan to ensure future relationship success. Think of this check-in as a larger, more general “state of the relationship” review.

Relationship growth is not linear. There may have been periods over the past year in which you could work well as a team, as well as other moments that were more of a challenge. This relationship review will enable you and your partner to look back and appreciate the lessons learned and how far you’ve come as a couple. Additionally, it will help you set goals for the future.

Below are two guidelines to help you and your partner get the most out of your year-end check-in. Keep these in mind as you open up your relationship discussion.

Actively listen and respond to your partner’s disclosures.

Set aside a time to discuss the relationship when you can limit or completely remove outside distractions. This enables you to be fully present and to focus on your interaction with your partner. By actively listening to one another you can express what’s on your mind as well as validate the thoughts and emotions of your partner.

Researchers note that partner responsiveness can cultivate intimacy within romantic relationships and enhance well-being (Arican-Dinc and Gable, 2023). They share that perceived responsiveness starts with active listening, which includes the ability of the responder to convey their understanding, validation, and caring to the discloser (Arican-Dinc and Gable, 2023). Make sure that you use this check-in, not only as a recap but as a way for you two to connect so that you both leave this discussion feeling heard and understood.

Express gratitude and celebrate successes.

Focus on your wins over the past year and celebrate successes, personal and relational. You can do this by expressing gratitude for how your partner showed up in the relationship, which will make them feel recognized and can strengthen your connection. A study by Algoe and colleagues (2013) demonstrated that gratitude fosters feelings of closeness and enhances both relationship satisfaction and responsiveness. As a result, gratitude conveys recognition of your partner and can deepen interpersonal bonds. Additionally, research has demonstrated that partners who feel understood, validated, and cared for when sharing a positive event, experience greater well-being (Gable and colleagues, 2006).

Even if you feel like there’s a lot of work to be done in the relationship in the coming year, every shift makes a difference. Celebrate small changes as signs of success. Express gratitude for one another and acknowledge each person’s investments in the relationship as these are signals that you care.