How to Give the Best Gifts

Yesterday, a journalist reached out to talk with me about gift-giving—how we choose gifts, what we offer, and what to do when the whole process doesn’t exactly spark joy. It’s a question many of us feel at this time of year: What does it really mean to give well? We've heard all the marketing and the push to consume, throw ourselves on sales, and buy more stuff. But hold on... what does research tell us about gifts that don’t just fill space, but genuinely enrich a life?

The most meaningful gifts tend to support something deeply human. They help people help themselves. They invite discovery, foster connection, encourage service, or offer a little more peace inside. These are the gifts that don’t simply sit on a shelf—they can change your life.

Here are a few of the ideas we discussed.

• If someone truly wants an object, consider choosing one that’s fair-trade and environmentally responsible. Sadly, much of the "stuff" we find on shelves has been made in sweatshops by underpaid workers (and even children). You can make a difference by being selective about where you spend your dollars. Ethical consumption increases well-being—not just for the recipient, but for the giver, too—because it aligns our actions with our values and our care for the larger world.
• Whenever possible, offer experiences rather than things. Decades of research in positive psychology show that experiences bring more lasting happiness than material possessions. A museum pass, a horseback riding lesson, or a concert can become so much more than just another thing. And when an experience is shared—“Let’s take a belly dancing workshop together”—it deepens connection, which we know is one of the strongest predictors of well-being and resilience.
• Another meaningful option is to give in someone’s honor—a donation to a cause they care about, or a promise of time spent in service together. Volunteering has been shown to reduce stress, increase purpose, and even improve physical health. Service reminds us that we belong to something larger than ourselves and—if we're truly honest with ourselves—we already know it: There's no greater feeling of happiness than doing something for someone else.
• Sometimes, the most loving gift is simply support: offering help with technology, babysitting, or assisting with something that’s been weighing on them. Acts of kindness like these strengthen trust and signal care in ways words alone often can’t. And research shows that when you help others or uplift them, it uplifts you.
• There’s also something profoundly touching about a gift made by your own hands—a jar of homemade soup mix, a batch of cookies, a pair of knit socks. When we give something infused with our time and attention, we’re offering presence, and presence is one of the rarest and most healing gifts we have—not to mention that it's good for the wallet.
• And, of course, one of my perennial favorites: the gift of meditation. A growing body of research shows that even a few minutes a day can reduce stress, improve emotional regulation, and increase compassion. There are wonderful free apps you can use, and you might even suggest doing a 40-day meditation challenge together—because well-being, like so much else, is more sustainable when it’s shared.

Happy holidays!