Key points
- Holiday seasons are focused on material goods - but research shows those don't make us happier.
- Research shows experiences bring lasting happiness whereas pleasure brings only fleeting joy.
- Altruistic acts, like volunteering, increase fulfillment more than stuff.
- Research shows that if you prioritize love, kindness, and shared moments over stuff - everyone will be happier
The holiday season is filled with gifts—yet, ironically, often empty of what people really want.
We’re seeing a loneliness crisis in our society with 42.6 million adults in the U.S. suffering from it (and that’s not including people under 45). This issue is a public health challenge, but it’s also a chance for us to shift how we connect with others. Instead of exchanging material goods, what if we focused more on what we truly need: connection, kindness, love, and meaningful, non-technology-driven exchanges? This shift could transform our relationships and - research shows - bring lasting joy.
We have so much stuff accumulating in our homes, yet research shows that materialism is linked to lower well-being i.e. happiness. We receive gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and more—often accumulating things we love, things we don’t love, or things we end up passing on or throwing away. How much of what we receive do we really need or want to hold onto forever? Probably very little.
One study found that when kids have more toys, it actually reduces the quality of their play, making them less creative and more distracted. This highlights an important truth—less truly can be more. The fewer distractions we have, the more we can focus on what brings us joy and fulfillment.
Our homes are cluttered, and so are the landfills, overflowing with items that no longer serve us. Yet, what truly brings lasting happiness? Interestingly, research shows it’s not stuff (and it’s not even money—after reaching a certain point, more doesn’t add much to our happiness). True fulfillment comes from things that nourish our souls—experiences, connection, and shared moments.
After all, we get used to what we have which leaves us wanting more. We get “habituated” (psych talk for: used to) and bored. That’s why we want new or different things. We stop enjoying that new car we got, or the new shoes. They simply are there, we take them for granted. The happiness is fleeting.
So, what can you give your friends and family—or even yourself—that will bring lasting joy?
For one, it’s experiences. Research shows that we prefer and remember shared experiences over things: whether it was a canoe trip, hiking, a musical or a visit to a museum. Think about it: You probably remember what you did on your last vacation way better than the things you got for Christmas or your birthday—and you probably value them more.
But wait— not all experiences are created equal. Experiences focused on others tend to bring the most joy. Think about the joy of throwing a surprise party for a friend versus treating yourself to a solo spa day. The memory of the party—and the joy of seeing someone else happy—likely lasts longer.
When we give to others, we elevate our own sense of purpose and fulfillment. Volunteering—whether to support children, the elderly, or animals—can elevate the joy we feel, providing us with a sense of meaningful contribution.
Based on over a decade of researching happiness and well-being, here's my conclusion: altruistic acts, in addition to making this world a better place for those you serve, also lead to the greatest levels of fulfillment. Not just for yourself but for observers are inspired. They, in turn, are more likely to help others.
I once taught a group of students at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I assigned them to do an act of service and they chose to take homeless people to lunch. They came back so moved they cried, saying it was “the most beautiful day of their lives.” There’s something deeply profound about connecting with others—offering a part of yourself without expecting anything in return. This kind of experience is humbling, and the joy it brings is immeasurable.
Let’s rethink gift-giving. There’s nothing wrong with gifts—they can be fun, useful, and thoughtful. But let’s get real about what’s even more important than just another item. People are lonely, and they crave connection. It’s time to give and share what we all truly long for: shared experiences, acts of kindness, and love.
Excerpted with permission from Sovereign: Reclaim your Freedom, Energy and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty and Chaos by Emma Seppälä.
