Relationships
Reclaim Your Joy: How to Walk Away From Toxic Relationships
Recognize that you’re in a toxic relationship? These steps can help you leave.
Updated September 24, 2024 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Key points
- Toxic relationships are hard to leave and can damage self-worth, mental health, and well-being.
- Going no-contact with an ex can be an essential step in ending a toxic relationship.
- Getting support through therapy can help you heal and reclaim your sense of self.
This is part 2 of a two-post series. In our previous post, we described what makes a relationship toxic and the many factors that make a toxic relationship difficult to end. Read on for more information about how to leave and the steps you can take to support your own healing.
Acknowledge That the Relationship Is Toxic
Similar to ending an addiction, in order to leave a toxic relationship, we must first acknowledge that there is a problem. Recognize and accept that the relationship is harmful. You may have to do this numerous times: Most of us think that this is something that could never happen to us, so it can be hard to come to terms with reality. Further, the highs and lows of the abuse cycle can keep us hopeful that our partner will change, and that we just need to stick it out, keep trying, and be patient. Unfortunately, the reality is that toxic patterns are unlikely to change as a relationship continues. If change is going to happen, it will happen when each person heals and grows individually. Leaving the relationship is often the only way that can occur—for either partner.
Go No-Contact
You will likely need to cut off contact for some period of time. When we've formed an attachment bond, it can often be easy to be pulled back into a dysfunctional cycle. Bonded to this person, your brain and body may tell you that you miss them and should be with them again. Don’t believe it. This is one time when you know better than your biology. Having no contact with an ex-partner allows you time to heal, regulate, and love yourself. You will likely find that you feel more peaceful and in control with a few weeks of no contact.
Get Support
Finally, seek support. It is okay if you pulled away from your friends during the relationship. Reach back out now. Some will be there, and they will love you and support you. We also strongly recommend getting help from a therapist. Your friends and family may not have the expertise to support you through all aspects of leaving a toxic relationship, no matter how much they want to help. With a therapist, you can create a detailed plan for leaving, including logistics, finances, and places for emotional support. When are you most likely to fall back into the pattern – 7pm on a Tuesday when you are sad and alone? Schedule a yoga class. Set yourself up for success! Prioritize loving yourself. What does self love mean for you? Focus on activities and practices that rebuild your self-esteem and mental health.
Weekly therapy during this period can be helpful for learning coping strategies to navigate periods of emotional dysregulation and heal from the stress. A therapist will provide a safe space to express your feelings and experiences without judgment. You just went through a very difficult time, and there may be a lot to unpack. Through therapeutic interventions, you can rebuild your self-esteem and sense of self-worth and process the emotional and psychological trauma, aiding in recovery and growth.
Participating in group therapy may help you understand that you are not alone. Connecting with others who have similar experiences provides validation and reduces feelings of isolation. Group therapy provides a support network that can offer encouragement and understanding; group members may be at different stages of their healing journey so you can learn from their experiences and insights. Being around supportive individuals can also support rebuilding trust in relationships.
Our therapy practice also uses ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) to help people heal from toxic relationships, and this may be useful for you if your own therapist feels it could be beneficial. Ketamine is a dissociative psychedelic that has been used to address depression, anxiety, trauma, and acute stress, all of which can occur following relationship challenges. It promotes neuroplasticity, helping the brain to form new connections and pathways, which can aid in healing trauma. Many of the stories related to toxic relationships—“I’m worthless” or “My partner will find someone better than me"—will need to be rewritten and the painful emotions processed. Ketamine supports cognitive flexibility, increased tolerance of painful emotions, self-compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. The dissociative effects can help individuals process traumatic experiences in a more detached manner, reducing the emotional burden.
Moving Forward
Leaving a toxic relationship is just the beginning. Regardless of the healing path you choose, it is important to practice patience. Healing takes time. Focus on setting and achieving personal and professional goals, which can provide a sense of purpose and direction. Reconnect with friends and practice loving yourself. Some people find it helpful to start dating, but many others benefit from a period of time of focusing on their own needs and reclaiming their own identity: You can enjoy dating yourself! Toxic romantic relationships can cause profound harm, but recognizing the signs and taking steps to leave are crucial for reclaiming your well-being. By seeking support, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you can break free from the cycle of toxicity. Remember, leaving is the first step toward healing and building a healthier, happier future.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.