Evolution of the Self

On the paradoxes of personality

Leon F. Seltzer Ph.D.

How to Deal With a Narcissist’s Sense of Entitlement

Here are the most effective ways of convincing a narcissist to either ameliorate or abandon this potent but pernicious defense mechanism.

Where Does a Narcissistic Person’s Sense of Entitlement Come From?

To account for why narcissists cling so tightly to an unwarranted sense of entitlement, it’s crucial to explore different aspects of their history.

Does Your Relationship Bring Out the Best in You?

Transforming a union from frustration to fulfillment may require the partner who’s more psychologically evolved to initiate the changes needed by both parties.

Does Alcohol Uncover the Real You?

Research has repeatedly confirmed the idea that what a drunk person says or does accidentally brings to light a subconscious part of them.

Dependence vs. Autonomy in Relationships: What’s Ideal?

If partners aren’t able to achieve a balance of dependence and independence, it’s almost guaranteed frustration.

Can You Unwittingly Disable Your Courage?

Anxiety stemming from your past, however out-of-date, can compel you to avoid what you'd be much wiser to confront.

4 (Lame) Rationalizations Males Make for Groping Behaviors

Men who grope women generally don’t intend to hurt or humiliate them, yet it still represents a sexual violation harming the victim’s self-concept.

How to Overcome a Lack of Motivation

It’s crucial to understand what interferes with following through on well-meaning intentions and how to get beyond those natural tendencies.

How to Break Free of Frustrating Habits

The first step in ridding yourself of outdated dysfunctional habits is to understand why you’re so vulnerable to them.

To Fully Grasp Win-Win in Relationships, First Understand Win-Lose

In win-lose situations, even when one partner succeeds in defeating the other’s position, the damage to the relationship will far outweigh their victory.

3 Reasons It’s So Easy to Misunderstand a Partner

Research has repeatedly shown that what you don’t know about your partner can hurt you, them, and the relationship.

4 Ways You Rationalize When You Act Against Your Conscience

Part 3: At one time or another, we’ve all acted badly and sought to alleviate feelings of guilt by blaming our behavior on circumstances beyond our control.

Can One's Conscience Be Evil?

Part 2: Ethically, the ultimate question in decision-making is whether we can achieve the moral authority to act other than as commanded by an overbearing superego.

Can One's Conscience Be Evil?

Writers have historically, and effectively, questioned popular assumptions about the fixed, clear-cut nature of good and evil.

Should You Let Your Skeletons Out of the Closet?

It's only natural to try to keep dishonorable behaviors out of awareness, but there's a better way.

Why Euphemisms Are Crucial in Intimate Relationships

In speaking euphemistically, the meaning of the words is the same but substitution protects the receiver from feeling put down, dismissed, or rejected.

Why Is It So Hard to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone?

Staying within your so-called "comfort zone" can trap you in ways that end up making your life more of a struggle.

9 Ways to Make Your Partner Your Best Friend

Although few would admit it, secretly we'd like our partner to be our clone—to "replicate" us by reshaping their identity to suit our priorities and preferences.

The Curious Social Advantages of Being an Introvert

Paradoxically, the more socially detached tendencies of introverts afford them considerable social advantages over more outwardly engaged and vocal extroverts.

When You're Too Angry to Confront Someone Effectively

In waiting too long to reveal your ire, your delayed expression will likely backfire. Once anger overtakes you, your communication skills will be missing in action.

What if You Don't Like Your Personality?

Whatever you've come to believe is your personality may be mostly a mixture of outdated defenses, which "took over" your authentic self.

8 Solutions for When You Feel You Don't, or Can't, Fit In

It's hard to act natural when you're nervous, which is why it's critical to develop greater self-confidence before attempting to improve on your efforts to fit in.

If You Don't Feel Like You Fit In, You're Hardly Alone

The burdensome baggage that you unconsciously bring to your relationships has less to do with what you were subjected to as a child than in how you assessed its meaning.

13 Reasons Why a High IQ Can Make You Less Happy

Unless gifted individuals learn to manage their intellect wisely, it can negatively affect their performance and alienate those around them.

What Are the Hazards of Having a High IQ?

IQ tests fail to assess how prudently an individual can process information and how well they can overcome cognitive biases impairing their judgment.

7 Dos and 3 Don'ts After You Accidentally Offend Someone

The more you learn about another's interpersonal history, the more you can avoid inadvertently offending them in the future and improve your relationship with them generally.

Why People Get Offended So Easily

Most of us possess an ego more fragile than we realize, so it's likely we could experience another's behavior as more hostile than intended.

Being Smitten May Feel Awesome, but Is It Good for You?

The main reason this charmed or captivated state of mind is so precarious is that the object of one's adoration is highly idealized—put on a pedestal.

The Continuity of You

Has the essential core of your "you-ness" changed over time—or simply evolved? Here are 11 ways to link your past to your present and identify what's mutated from what's matured.

Anxiety-Alleviating Family Adaptations Can Haunt You Later On

If you were anxious about your parents' acceptance, you'd strive to adapt to their preferences, however unnatural they were to you.

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