Tolerance Can Be a Virtue, Up to a Point

If a person’s behavior causes harm to others, it hardly warrants acceptance. And to the degree it’s not opposed, such passivity can justifiably be viewed as endorsing it.

Not calling out inexcusable conduct for what it is, unfortunately, conveys the message that it’s within the parameters of acceptability. At the same time, it communicates to those negatively affected by it that they must be overreacting to what, after all, is justifiable and, therefore, should be OK with them.

Even if done inadvertently, dismissing, minimizing, or acquiescing to such heedless behavior ends up blaming the victim—making them wrong instead of supporting them when they're being verbally abused. For example, if someone is on the receiving end of a sexist remark, making light of it effectively normalizes it, thereby contributing to its felt abuse.

Silence is generally seen as golden, a virtue. But there’s nothing virtuous in failing to challenge someone who needs to be confronted about behavior that’s arrogant, insulting, or otherwise alarmingly insensitive.

Establishing self-protective boundaries may be required if, by default, you’re not to allow another’s unacceptable behavior to prevail simply because it’s left unopposed. When that person’s opinion or ideas violate your own, it’s essential to speak up in order not to experience defeat or be taken advantage of.

Considered in the context of personal relationships, allowing another to communicate with you offensively gives them the message that it’s OK to treat you repugnantly. There’s a big difference between permitting another to be outspoken and allowing them to treat you disrespectfully.

If you can’t get yourself to object to objectionable behavior, it’s all too easy for others to regard you as going along with it. And as a result of your inability to set boundaries between what you will—and will not—accept, you’re acquiescing to the degradation of the relationship.

Note that when the substance of what’s being communicated doesn’t accord with a healthy relationship, it can, by default, be seen as toxic. Such degrading or detrimental communication needs to be addressed—and forcibly—and must not be tolerated merely for the sake of keeping things harmonious.

Moreover, seen on a broader scale, this gratuitous acceptance has ramifications going beyond its person-to-person dimensions. Perceived societally, such over-tolerance actually links to racism, discrimination, and inequality.

Tolerance, if overdone, can rapidly morph into an attitude of apathy, which in turn haphazardly fosters a position of not caring. And that can extend to tolerating injustices toward minorities or any position simply because it’s part of the mainstream.

© 2025 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.